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中文翻译由B站@风晓星落 投稿，十分感谢！清晨六点，我被闹钟的轰鸣声吵醒。虽然我接受了关于事故的一切，但是却无法抛下过去，向前进发。我一部分还在期待着从厨房传来的“我还在这儿呢”这样的震耳欲聋的声音。我的身体神奇地没有感到疲惫，但是我的精神却疲惫不堪，就好像有什么东西重重地压在了我的灵魂上一样。我越想艰难前行，这担子仿佛就越重。
这个时候我通常在进行晨练，但此刻却并不觉得有做的必要。径直前往浴室，打开了淋浴喷头。某种程度上，我希望能就这样冲洗掉这令我悲伤的一切，但是我知道这是痴心妄想。悲伤的情绪短时间内是无法挥去的，而且不论如何努力地用水与香皂清洗，都没有办法清除我的悲痛。我只能尝试继续前行，等待着时间来治愈这一切。不论怎样，我的父亲一定会期望我继续在学校接受教育，直到我能真正地独立。
淋浴之后，简单换好衣服，享用了只有咖啡、鸡蛋和土耳其培根的简单早餐。我从公寓出发，径直前往普雷斯顿学院。
普雷斯顿学院是一所专门为天才所开设的学校——至少宣传册上是这么写的。但实际上普雷斯顿学院只为能付得起学费的人敞开大门。也就是说只有顶级富豪和精英才能上得起这所学校，但是我是一个例外。不要错会我的意思，虽然父亲是国际太空委员会的工程师，也很宽裕，但是跟我的同学们家相比，跟乞丐没什么区别。技术大亨、对冲基金所有人，甚至皇室成员都在这里上学。我能来这样的地方上学仅仅是因为我比他们绝大多数人都更有天分。10岁的时候我就学会了微积分，并且已经达到了大学的水平。我是这里唯一一个凭借优待奖学金来上学的学生。
与其说是私立学校，普雷斯顿学院更像是大学。校园里很多不同的建筑物，都是艺术设施或者教室，而且外观独具未来感。它们无一例外都是由玻璃建成的，因为按照学院的说法，“将学生关在墙壁里会束缚他们的潜能。”
当我走进主楼时我不得不注意到我看起来就像是失事的飞船残骸一样糟糕。衬衫皱皱巴巴的，其一角甚至从短裙中露了出来；头发乱蓬蓬的，外套后面甚至破了一个洞。而其他人穿着整齐地就像包装好了直接被放到他们的座位上似的。我径直走到了教室，在嘈杂中找到自己的位置并坐下。铃声响起，我们的班主任，米勒博士，带着棕色公文包和黄色的表格走进了教室。托马斯?米勒博士是MIT的物理学讲师。他是一位杰出的讲师，能教会他人在个人层面理解宇宙的奥秘。对于他来说，物理学就是大家都在使用，但是却不能理解其语法与结构之美的语言。他穿着棕色的、略显俗丽的外套，内衬蓝白格子衬衫，打着海军蓝领带，随身带着银制镀金怀表，留着山羊胡子，以及一头和这胡子一样蓬乱的棕色卷发。他大框的眼睛仿佛就要立刻瞄准并贯穿你一样。
“好了，大家安静坐好！”他厉声呼喊着，大家立刻回到了自己的座位上。
“在我们开始之前，有几件事要说明。艾莉西亚，我有一个便条（传令条）要交给你，校长现在就想见你。我会确保有人之后能给你今天我们要上的电路课的笔记的。”
我起身，将便条紧攥在手中。
“米勒博士，我没遇到什么麻烦吧？”
米勒博士讽刺地看着我。虽然我是他最得意的门生之一，但是当问出非常愚蠢的问题的时候，他也会毫不犹豫地指出。
“艾莉西亚，你是一个顶尖的模范生，而且也从未缺席过一堂课。如果有人陷入了麻烦，你会是我最后一个去怀疑的。校长只是想和你谈谈话而已。去之前别忘了把衬衫掖到裙子里。”
“好的。”我拿着便条，掖好了衬衫就直接朝着校长室走去。我猜大概是要问我“你现在还好吗”这类的话吧。实话说我很不好，但我不认为知道我的精神状态就是她的职责。我立刻走进了校长室并把便条交给了秘书。于是秘书叫我去萨科夫博士的办公室找个位置坐下。我就在那里等待着校长，当她走进来的时候，我感受到了这个房间沉重的气氛。萨科夫博士有着她独特的风度。她是一位33岁的来自布朗大学的非裔博士。她拥有作为女人想要拥有的一切特质：聪慧、独立以及四散的力量感。这也是我父亲与她约过会的原因。他对这种强势的女人有独特的执着，萨科夫博士也不是例外。你无法对她撒谎或者隐瞒事实。只要她在场，一切都有绝对的答案，而这就是我现在所正在经历的。她坐下并严肃地面对着我。我感觉自己就像是一本被翻开的书一样，被她的眼睛检阅着每一页。
“你现在感觉怎么样，艾莉西亚？”她平静地问我。这是一个非常简单的问题，但对我来说就像是在审问或者调查我一样。
“你还好吗？”她继续着问话。
你看吧，终于来了，“你还好吗”之类的谈话。虽然想想就知道这是必然会发生的对话，但是为什么她会觉得她有必要知道我的现状呢？我的父亲死于本可以事先避免的事故，我没有其他的家人，我现在孤身一人，这就是我的现状。除此之外我想我还好。说实话当时我真的想朝她尖叫。我知道她想要帮助我，我也知道她非常爱我的父亲，实际上我已经厌烦了大人“你还好吗”这样问来问去的。我已经对过来对我表示为我的遭遇感到遗憾的人感到厌烦了。我不需要他们来接近我，我只需要他们能够倾听。让我自己恢复并敞开封闭的内心，而不是像对待坚果一样试图把我的内心世界撬开。我本可以用竭尽所能最高的声音对她尖叫，但我能说的只有：
“我很好。”
她瞪着我，就好像她打破了我的外壳，直接看透我的核心一样。（依然是前文坚果的比喻）
“不，你怎么也不像是没事。”她反驳我。“艾莉西亚，我知道我无法完全体会你的感受，但是即使不管我与你父亲的过往我也想在你身边帮助你。”
“过往？”我反问到。
“啊是的，我和你父亲有简短的一段时间是在一起的。”
这时我的愤怒达到了顶点。过往（特指情史）是指两个个体长时间的联系。他们之间没有这样的过往。
“对不起，请问您是认真的吗？”
“为什么不是呢？”
“萨科夫博士，我并没有非礼的意思。但是你和我父亲所拥有的，并不能算是那样的联系。你们只约会了两个月。你只跟我父亲只相处了两个月，就抛弃他坐到了不知是谁的马萨拉蒂上。就算我父亲是一位非凡的工程师，让你离开他的仅仅是尾数多了几个零的银行账户。你伤透了他的心，留下来让我去修补他破碎的内心。你甚至都没出席他的葬礼。所以，不，你们之间的不是情史。你有的只是转瞬即逝的瞬间，早已被毁掉的可能性。
一瞬间，她冷静的风度荡然无存。她的下巴就像吊灯一样在那吊着。突然到来的沉默。我们都还无法一时间理解那一瞬间的状况。我显然不会走出打破沉默的第一步，因此我就等着她来打破僵局。终于她理解了刚刚发生的事情，恢复了以往的**态度。
“唔，好吧，你有权感到愤怒，而且我也能理解。我的意思是发生了那一切，你当然可以找个地方发泄出来，我也知道我是一个非常好的目标。这都没问题。我只是很担心你，艾莉西亚。我知道你的父亲让你非常独立，但是就算这样，我也不确定你能处理好这一切。艾莉西亚，众所周知你是我们最优秀的学生，我不想看到你失败。”
“意思是我失败了会使学校蒙羞？”
“意思是你失败了就意味着一个可能性的消失。”
“你是在用我自己的话来怼我吗？”我回复道。
“我只是借用它们来说明问题而已，”她反驳，“看，你就像你父亲一样固执，而且你需要时间从悲伤中走出来。因此我告诉你的老师们这学期不要给你施加太多压力。我让他们减轻你的课业压力直到下学期或者是我认为你状态稳定了的时候。
“你无权这么做！”我结结巴巴地回复。
“我是你的校长，我有权决定怎样是对学生最好的做法，而这就是为了你我所能做的最好的决定。”
“你根本不知道什么对我来说才是最好的！萨科夫博士，不管你喜不喜欢，我已经是一个独立的人了，我不需要谁出于怜悯或愧疚来干涉我的生活。我自己一个人挺好的。所以就别管我了！”
她稍微愣住了一会儿。
“出于良心，我无法这样做，艾莉西亚。你可以回教室了。”
我冲出了办公室，径直回到教室。
“她以为她是谁啊？”我想，“良心？放她娘的狗屁！学校只关心他们的标准，而我是他们主要的关注对象，仅此而已！巴洛叔叔想要“让我的生活更轻松”是一码事，但是一个陌生人过来扰乱你的生活就完全是另一码事了！我已经受够了去想那些出于怜悯而不得不来帮助我的人。我不需要这廉价的怜悯。在事故前我过得很好，事故之后也一样。”
Chapter 2 Preston academy: (Part 1)
The blaring ring of the alarm clock had awakened me to 6 am and the rest of the day. Although I accept what happened I couldn’t exactly move forward. Part of me was still expecting “ I’m still standing” to be blaring from the kitchen. It was odd I didn’t feel tired in a physical sense this morning but I felt emotionally tired. I felt like something was weighing down on my soul and the more I trudged on the harder it was to carry. Usually at this time I would be doing my morning exercises but I didn’t feel the need to do so. I just went straight to the shower and turned the water on. In some sense there was a part of me that thought that this could all be washed away with ease, but in all honesty I knew the truth. My emotions weren’t going to change for some time and that no amount of water or soap could clear the grime and grim of my depression. I just had to keep moving forward and hope things would get better with time. My father would have wanted me in school to further my education so I can attain independence.
I got out of the shower, got changed, and had a simple breakfast of coffee, eggs, and some turkey bacon on the side. I immediately got out of my apartment and headed straight to Preston Academy.
Preston Academy was a school meant for the absolute gifted, or that’s what it says on the brochure. In reality Preston Academy is a school that is exclusive to those who can afford it. It was only offered to the wealthiest and the most elite but I managed to be one of the exceptions. Don’t get me wrong, as an engineer for the International Space Commission my father was really well off but compared to these kids he was nothing more than a beggar. Kids of tech gurus, hedge fund owners and even royalty were attending here. The only reason I got in to Preston was because of a few favors and because I was more academically gifted than most them. By the age of 10 I was doing calculus and I could read at a college level. I was the only kid who was here on merit and a scholarship.
Preston Academy looked more like a college campus than a private school. There were several building and each one had state of the art facilities and classrooms. They were all were done in a futuristic architecture. Each one of them appeared to be made of glass because according to Preston “ Confining one to the inside of walls binds their potential”.
As I walked inside the main building I couldn’t help but notice that I looked like a total wreck. My shirt was crinkled and one side was left hanging out of my skirt. My hair was all frizzy and my jacket had a hole in the back while everyone else looked like were ripped straight out of packaging and put into their positions. I headed down to my homeroom and immediately took a seat out in the front of the loud and bustling class. The bell rung and our instructor, Dr.Miller, entered the room holding a brown suitcase and a yellow form. Dr.Thomas Miller was a physics instructor from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. He was a brilliant instructor and had a way of making others understand the universe on a personal level. To him physics was simply a language that everyone speaks but didn’t realize the beauty in its grammar and structure. He wore a brown tweed jacket with a blue and white checkered shirt and navy blue tie. He had a pocket watch he kept on him that was silver with gold engraving. His brown hair was curly and somewhat unkempt along with goatee. And his large glasses seemed to hone on you immediately.
“ Alright class settle down!” He bellowed and immediately everyone had taken their seats.
“ Before we begin, a few announcements. Alicia I have a slip for you from the headmistress, she wants to see you right now. I’ll be sure to have someone give you notes while we are going through today’s lecture on circuits.”
I got up right away and grabbed the slip.
“ Dr.Miller, I’m not in trouble am I?”
Dr.Miller gave me a sarcastic look. I was one of his favorite pupils but if you asked a stupid questions he wouldn’t hesitate to point it out.
“ Alicia, you’re a top mark student who hasn’t missed a day of class at all. You’re the person I would least suspect of getting into trouble. Look the headmistress just wants to talk that’s it but before you go to her, please tuck in that shirt.”
“ Yes sir” I took the slip, tucked in my shirt and immediately headed off to the headmistress’s office. I’m guessing it was the “ are you okay speech” that she was going to give me. Honestly I’m not okay but that doesn’t mean it’s her business knowing my mental state. I immediately entered the room and handed the slip to the secretary. She told me to take a seat in Dr. Sarcov’s office. I sat down waiting for her and when she arrived I could feel this weight in the room. Dr. Sarcov had a presence to her. She was a 33 year old African American from Brown University. She was everything that a woman wanted to be: **art, independent, and emanating power. It’s part of the reason why my father dated her. He had a thing for tough women and Dr. Sarcov was no exception. You couldn’t lie to this women or even bend the truth slightly. In her presence, everything was in absolutes and the same can be said for me. She sat down and gave me a solemn expression. I could feel myself being opened up like a book and her eyes were just reading every page.
“ How are you feeling Alicia?” She asked in a calming tone. It seemed like a simple question but to me it was an interrogation or dissection of my mind.
“Are you alright?” she continued.
And there it is. The “ are you alright talk” has finally shown. I mean it was bound to happen but why does she think her business knowing my current state? Let’s see my father died in a space crash that could have been easily prevented, I have no other family, and now I’m alone in the world. So aside from that I guess I’m alright. I honestly wanted to scream at her at that point. I know she was trying to be helpful and I know she loved my dad a lot but to be honest I’m tired of all the *****s asking if I’m alright. I’m tired of everyone pitying me. I don’t want people approaching me over this I just want them to listen. Let me open up, don’t crack me open like I’m some sort of nut. I could have screamed at her at the top of my lungs but all I said was:
“ I’m fine”
She began to stare right through me as though she broke through my facade and saw my core.
“ no you’re not” she retorted “ Alicia I know I wouldn’t feel and despite the history between me and your father I want to be there for you.”
“ History?” I asked
“ well yes, me and your father were briefly together” she replied
At this point my anger was boiling over. History is a long interaction between individuals. They didn’t have history.
“ I’m sorry but you are serious”
“ why wouldn’t I be?”
“ Dr.Sarcov, I mean no disrespect but what you and my father had, wasn't history. You two dated for only 2 months. 2 months was all you could handle and then you dumped him for some guy in a souped up Maserati. Even though he was an incredible engineer, all it took for you leave him was a few zeros on the bank account. You broke his heart and I was left to repair what was there. Hell you didn’t even show up to the funeral. So no, what you had wasn't history. What you had was a fleeting moment and an opportunity squandered.”
All of a sudden that calm demeanor that she had was shattered. Her jaw just hung there like a chandelier. There was a brief silence between us trying to process what had occurred. I am definitely not making the first move so I just waited until she did. Finally she managed to piece everything together and reestablish herself.
“ Oooof, okay you have a right to be angry and I understand. I mean with what has happened, it's okay to lash out and I know I was an easy target. It’s fine. I’m just concerned Alicia. I mean look at yourself. I know you’re father gave you independence but as is, I’m not sure if you can handle this. Alicia you’re our brightest student and everyone knows it. I just don’t want to see you fail.
“ Because if I fail then the school looks bad?”
“ Because if you fail then it’s an opportunity squandered.”
“ You’re using my own words against me?”I replied
“ I’m using them to make a point,” she retorted, “ look I know your just as stubborn as your father and you’re not going to take time off so I’ve told all your professors to take it easy on you this semester. Course work is going to be minimized until next semester or when I have deemed that you are in a more stable condition”
“ You have no right!” I’m stammered.
“ I am your headmaster, I have the right to decree what is best for every student and this is what I deem to be best for you.”
“ You don’t know what’s best for me! Dr.Sarcov, like it or not, I am an independent woman now and I don’t need someone to intervene in my life out of some sense of pity or guilt. I’m just fine on my own. So please just leave me be!”
She paused for brief a moment
“ I can’t do that Alicia, not in good conscience. You can leave the room and head back to class.”
I stormed out of that office and immediately headed back to home room.
“Who the hell does she think she is?” I thought, “Good conscience? What a load of crap! The school only cares about their standards and I’m their main attraction around. It’s one thing when uncle Barlow wants to “ make my life easier” but it’s another thing when a complete stranger who wrecked your home for a few weeks does it. I’m tired of people thinking that they have to help me out of some sense of pity. I don’t need this crap. I was fine before the accident and I’ll be fine now”
百度搜索 Stellos 天涯 或 Stellos 天涯在线书库 即可找到本书最新章节.