PART 2
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INT. HARDWARE STORE - TINUOUSPeggy and Mrs. Pressmaer, worried.
MRS. PRESSMAN
You tell Maggie.
PEGGY
No, you tell her.
MRS. PRESSMAN
No, no. Youre her best friend.
PEGGY
No.
MRS. PRESSMAN
(holding her
neer)
You know, its just possible that she
hashis yet.
PEGGY
Yeah.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Maybe she hashe paper...
On the ter, they see a copy of USA Today opeo the
article about Maggie.
MRS. PRESSMAN (td)
... Or not!
We follow MAGGIE down the back stairs ihe Hale Hardware
Store, the prettiest, most weling shop of its kind anywhere
in small town USA. Somehow the place ha taken on the spirit of
the owners daughter; both stop and shop-girl radiate brightness,
charm, and possibility. Maggie es down steps with a faucet
handle and goes to an elderly er, MR. PAXTON.
MAGGIE
(bright)
Here we go! Oique hot water
hah the "HOT" still on it,
guarao fit any Ameri Standard
cast iron tub with a four-inch ter
made between 1924 and 1938. In other
words, I think youre out of the
doghouse with Mrs. Paxton.
MR. PAXTON
(amazed)
Hallelujah.
MAGGIE
Alright, Mr. Paxton, Ill put it on
your at.
Maggie rounds the bend, another er, EARL, stands by the
paint mae.
EARL
Maggie.
MAGGIE
(walking past er)
You dont need an air ditioner, Earl,
you just need an atti -- Theres
more in the back.
Maggie steps behind the front ter of the store and takes the
at book out. Her voice trails off as she sees the dour
expression on the faces of her friends.
MAGGIE (td)
What?
Peggy nervously mentions the neer.
PEGGY
(delicate)
So -- Mag -- youve seen this, huh?
MAGGIE
(serious)
Yes, Ive seen it. And I have to say
its the rudest and most offensive...
joke anybodys ever played on me!
To their amazement, Maggie starts smiling.
MAGGIE (td)
You guys! How long did this take you?
Maggie stays amused.
MAGGIE (td)
Whered you get this done?
(laughing)
You creeps! I should disinvite you!
And why did you say seven times? This
is four.
PEGGY
Uh, Maggie, you told us to bachelorette
jokes, so we didnt...
Maggie looks at the stri face of her friends.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Holy moly.
Peggy looks like she is going to cry with sympathy fgie.
Maggie is starting to feel unfortable. She looks down,
dubiously, at the paper.
MAGGIE
Um, you know, now would be a good
moment to tell me this is fake.
(no response)
It wont be funny if y it out.
Okay?
(no response)
Okay, well... I mean, I find out...
Real neers smear. Phoney papers
dont.
She picks up the paper and brushes it against her apron, leaving
an INK SMEAR!!
She nearly kneels over.
MAGGIE (td)
(sitting)
Bag.
Peggy and Mrs. Pressman immediately spring to her side. They
give her a bag to breathe in.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Bag.
CUT TO:
INT. MAGGIES WORKOUT ROOM/GYM - NIGHT
We see Maggie kickboxing in ahe radio is on. She
suddenly stops, yanks Ikes article off the wall, leaves her
workout area and goes to her desk.
ANGLE ON DESK AREA:
She turns off the radio and begins to type her letter.
MAGGIE (V.O.)
"Dear Editor..."
EXT. MANHATTAN - DAY - ESTABLISHING SHOT
As Maggies VOICE-OVER tio read her letter, we take in
a Manhattan busy day. It is big, loud, and anonymous.
MAGGIE (V.O.; td)
"Greeting from the sticks! Perhaps you
believe that a rural education is
focused mainly on hog calling and
traainteher than reading.
Why else would you print a piece of
fictbbr>99lｉb?</abbr>ion about me and call it fact?"
Te CAMERA FINDS Ike, striding across a busy street, dodging
taxies. A WOMAN smacks him with a neer. He passes a WOMAN
TRAFFIC OFFICER, then a hot dog stand. He greets and passes a
FALAFEL VENDOR. THE CAMERA PANS to a USA Today Truck.
MAGGIE (V.O.; td)
"I suppose Mr. Graham was too busy
thinking us slanderous statements about
how I dump men for kicks to bother with
something silly like accura
rep. Which is uandable,
because with a "maer" like me on
the loose, who<samp></samp> has time to check facts?"
EXT. USA TODAY LOADING DOCKS - TINUOUS
He passes regular GUYS who cheer him.
MAGGIE (V.O.; td)
"Still, we ibalistic queens get
pretty ky when we see things in
print that hurt our feelings, like that
we deliberately abandon fiances with
malice aforethought."
INT. USA TODAY LOADING DOCKS - TINUOUS
He ee>?</cite>rs the neer building, going to Ellies office.
INT. USA TODAY OFFICE - TINUOUS
He walks through the crowded city room. His arrival attracts a
lot of attention from his CO-WORKERS. Ike seems a little
surprised, but hes pleased.
MAGGIE (V.O.; td)
"Thats why I was surprised to find Mr.
Grahams editor was a woman. Call me a
seal fool, but I sort of hoped
we maer could stick together."
Ike works his way down the hall to the editors office. CHUFFA
Ike greets various workers. He steps up to the editors
secretary, ELAINE. She doesnt smile.
IKE
(to Elaine)
Ill<q></q> put in a good word for you.
ELAINE
No, no, doion my name in there.
IKE
Why?
A buzz.
ELAINE
You go in now.
Ike goes into Ellies office. Elaine picks up her phone.
CUT TO:
INT. ELLIES OFFICE - TINUOUS
ELLIE is that editor. Stylish and successful looking, shes
about Ikes age. Ellie sits behind a big desk with a scowl on
her pretty face. Her casual-looking husband, Fisher, sits
nonchalantly on the arm of the couch. Ike enters as Ellie reads
Maggies letter.
ELLIE
(readier)
"Anyway, Im just dropping you big city
folk this little o say that I have
thought of a ritual sacrifice that would
satisfy my current appetite: Ike
Grahams n on a platter. Yours
truly, Maggie Carpenter. P.S. -- I
have inclosed a list of the gross
factual misrepresentations in your
article. There are fifteen."
Ike sits as Ellie puts the letter down and takes off her glasses.
IKE
(chuckles as he sits)
Fully. I like her. She has wit.
ELLIE
I left four messages. You dourn
my calls.
IKE
So? I never returned your calls, even
when we were married. And whats
Fisher doing here anyway?
Fisher gets and places a photo of the cat on a bookshelf on his
way to the other side of the room.
FISHER
Ellie asked me to e down to offer
moral support.
IKE
Since when does Ellie need moral supp--
ELLIE
-- Its for you, Ike.
IKE
What?
ELLIE
Journalism lesson ></a>number one. If you
fabricate your facts, you get fired.
Ellie pushes USA Today lawyers letter across the desk for him
to read. Ike picks it up and skims the letter. His face is as
impassive as stone.
IKE
Lesson wo. Never work for your
former spouse.
ELLIE
Thats not nothing to do with it. You
cooked this story up and you know it.
IKE
I didnt cook up a story. I had a
source.
ELLIE
Someone reliable, Im sure. A booze-
hound in a bar?
FISHER
In vias.
IKE
Dont knock drunk guys in bars. Drunk
guys in bars are good. It means
theyre not driving.
Ike gets up and stands near Ellie, making his point.
IKE (td)
Besides, Im a nist. This is what
nists are supposed to do. This is
what you like. We push, we stretch, we
go out on a limo. Thats what makes me
good!
ELLIE
No, thats what makes you unemployed.
IKE
I merely write the stuff. Youre the
ohat serves it up.
Ike puts dowter and puts his glasses bato his
pocket.
ELLIE
Not anymore. I have to draw the line.
(pushing a piece
of paper)
She sent us this list. Our lawyers say
its aable.
Ellie hands Ike Maggies list.
IKE
(scoffs)
Lawyers.
(gla list)
I dont know, Ellie -- Firing me is
going to be very tough on you. Its
going to be hard to get over. There
will be therapy bills for you.
ELLIE
(shrugs)
I already made an appoi for later
today.
IKE
(putting the list
down, standing)
See? You want custody of my job? ...
Why not just sider my wrist slapped
and call me when you feel Ive served
my time?
ELLIE
Im sorry, Ike. This is perma.
Fisher winces and looks away. Ike and Ellie look at each other
for a sober moment.
ELLIE (V.O.; td)
If you go quietly, Ill get you
severance pay.
Ellie fidgets with her toy rake, then Ike heads for the door.
He laughs a little at the painful truth of her words and walks
out. Ellie collapses ba her chair. Fisher goes to her and
rubs her shoulders.
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