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    EXT. USA TODAY LOADING DOCK - DAY

    Ike rides sadly on the back of a forklift, gets off and walks

    out.

    EXT. HALE RESIDENTIAL STREET - ANOTHER M

    ANGLE ON MAGGIES HOUSE:

    A train goes by. A modest clapboard house with a porch. Two

    entrances. A PAPERBOY tosses a paper onto the lawn in front of

    the house. The front door opens and Maggie appears fresh out of

    bed, wearing only a jacket and panties. Heedless of being seen

    this way, she scampers out to the sidewalk to pick up her

    delivered paper: USA Today. She tears off the plastic bag and

    rips into it, looking for her letter. She finds it. A smile on

    her face, then she scampers bato the house.

    INT. MAGGIES HOUSE - THAT MOMENT

    Maggie skips bato her house which she shares with Father

    and Grandma. A cozy and eclectic place creatively furnished on

    a shoe-string. She rushes into: KIT WHERE BOB KELLY,

    fiance #4, is pag s into a backpack. Bob, 38, has a

    pleasant fad a body that is almost shogly buff. Hes

    wearing a T-shirt that reads: "Mountaineers Do It Against the

    Wall.", Maggie dances over, waving the paper and singing.

    MAGGIE

    She ed him, she ed him...

    Bob test the weight of the backpack adding dehydrate food.

    BOB

    e here, Mag, and try this on.

    Maggie puts the paper o ter and starts to read

    aloud, paying no mind to Bob, who is stig her arms through

    the straps of the backpack.

    MAGGIE

    Listen: "Dear Ms. Carpenter, I

    apologize to you for this unfortunate

    matter. Ike Grahams n will no

    longer be appearing in this paper.

    Best of lu you uping marriage!"

    Bob tio hold up the weight of the backpack as he straps

    it onto Maggies shoulders.

    BOB

    That-a-girl! You sacked him.

    (cheg pack)

    This is the weight of the pack youre

    going to have to carry in the Himalayas.

    Tell me if its too heavy.

    Bob lets go and Maggie FALLS BACKWARD, disappearing behind the

    ter, and hitting the floor, with a THUD. Bob looks down at

    her. Maggies voice rises from the floor behind the ter.

    MAGGIE (o.s.)

    Its a little... Its a little heavy...

    Help me, baby.

    Bob has no answer. He reaches a hand down. He yelps as Maggie

    pulls him down on top of her, out of frame. We HEAR them giggle

    and kiss.

    INT. USA TODAY LOADING DOCK - ANOTHER DAY

    Fisher uses the dock for a photo shoot featuring men and women

    in evening and formal wear from Escada f.Q. Fisher is not

    actually shooting the camera, but rather supervising it.

    Fisher claps his hands and calls the models to attention. Then

    he goes onto the stage ahe models in their positions.

    FISHER (td)

    Remember, utting the "fun" back

    into formal.

    (to Ike)

    I just say that for the agency guys. I

    dont even know what that means. Now

    follow me.

    INT. USA TODAY OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

    Elevator doors open. Ike and Fisher exit and walk towards the

    coffee table.

    FISHER

    Ike, I really liked the Runaway Bride

    piece, and since I do freelauff

    f.Q., Im in a different position

    now...

    IKE

    What are y to say to me, Fish?

    They stop walking.

    FISHER

    Vindication. How would you like to get

    some? A ce to prove that, th..ough

    your facts wereirely straight,

    your theory was correct.

    IKE

    (hiding his hope)

    The real story on Miss Carpenter.

    FISHER

    All the gory details.

    They start walking again.

    IKE

    (excited)

    The anatomy of the black widow spider

    of Maryland.

    FISHER

    It wouldnt be a bad way to get you

    bato writiure pieces

    again.

    IKE

    (enthusiastically)

    This is good. It is a good story,

    Fish.

    They stop at the coffee table and grab something to eat.

    FISHER

    (nods)

    If she runs, then its a cover story.

    All true. All accurate.

    IKE

    (fesses)

    Okay, you were right. I hated my

    n, but I  do this assig.

    FISHER

    Then youve got it. If you leave

    tomorrow for the hinterlands, youll

    have plenty of time before her

    wedding trot.

    IKE

    "Paid vindication" Thats what I call

    justice.

    FISHER

    Justice, yes. Paid, I dont know.

    They like the idea, but my hands are

    tied with budget restraints.

    IKE

    But Ill get my normal fee, right?

    He walks away.

    IKE

    You wao do it on spec?!

    He follows him.

    CUT TO:

    EXT. MARYLAND HIGHWAY - DAY

    We see Ike driving down the highway. The car sputters a little

    as he and Fisher tiheir versation in voice-over. (If

    needed by the editor.)

    FISHER (V.O.)

    Dont say "spec" like its a dirty word.

    Nobody ever paid <var></var>Shakespeare to write a

    play! Plato never got a book advance...

    IKE (V.O.)

    Oh yeah! I happen to know from

    reliable sources that zche got

    expenses and a rental car.

    We hear Fisher laugh.

    IKE (V.O.; td)

    Im going to make this work, Fish. Im

    going to do it!

    Ikes car drives into Hale, passing a billboard reading,

    &quot;Wele to Hale.&quot;

    CUT TO:

    EXT. HALE STREET - DAY

    Ike drives down picturesque Main Street. He passes Hale

    Hardware. Sign says: &quot;At Curl. Be back soon.&quot;

    EXT. ATLANTIC HOTEL - DAY

    A BARBERSHOP QUARTET is singing in front of the only hotel in

    town. Ike pulls up and goes inside.

    INT. LOBBY/ATLANTIC HOTEL - DAY

    Ike has checked into the Atlantic Hotel. The clerk, LEE, hands

    him his key. Ike asks about room servid the restaurant.

    An OLDER WOMAN asks him if he plays bridge as he goes up the

    stairs to his room.

    EXT. HALE MAIN STREET - DAY

    Ike exits his hotel as the Barber Shop Quartet finishes singing

    &quot;Camptown Races.&quot;

    He now walks down the charming main artery of the town, looking

    exactly like what he is: a iew York out of his element

    on sunny Main Street, USA. KIDS ride by on bikes, streaming

    balloons behind them. A balloon hits Ike on the face. As he

    crosses the street, he mutters into his tape recorder:

    IKE

    I think Im in Maryberry.

    Flags hang on all the storefronts and the place sparkles with

    wholesome attitudes as PEOPLE greet each other familiarly. Ike

    es to beauty parlor called &quot;Curl Up and Dye&quot;. The place is

    doing business and crowded with WOMEN.

    INT. BEAUTY PARLOR - DAY

    dy, the manicurist, does Mrs. Pressmans nails. Maggie sits

    on the floor o Peggys salon chair, fixing the base of a

    barber chair. She tightens a screw and looks up, satisfied.

    dys dog is on the floor near Maggie.

    MAGGIE

    dy, you better 86 Sprout. He seems

    to be enjoying the petroleum

    distillates.

    dy rolls over in her chair, picks up her dog and rolls back

    to her station.

    DY

    Thats it. Back to obedience school.

    MAGGIE

    (to Peggy)

    Okay -- have a seat... gently,

    carefully.

    Peggy sits in the chair. Maggie spins her around and around.

    PEGGY

    (delighted as

    she spins)

    Youre a goddess!

    MAGGIE

    I didnt eveo ge this

    gasket, just put in a little hydraulic

    fluid.

    PEGGY

    Stop it. When you talk like that, I

    get turned on and it frightens me.

    JUST THEN. Ike ehe salon, taking off his sunglasses.

    Peggy hops off the chair.

    IKE

    Hello. Im looking fgie

    Carpehere was a sign at the

    hardware store across the street...

    PEGGY

    Are you a reporter?

    Its a little early in the game for Ike to be thrown off guard.

    IKE

    (shocked)

    What?

    PEGGY

    (eyeing his loafers)

    Its been our experiehat anyone

    with some sort of gewgaw on his loafers

    ends up being an city reporter

    wanting to interview Maggie.

    IKE

    About her uping wedding and all.

    PEGGY

    No, about her getting that asshole from

    New York fired.

    Ike smiles down at his loafers and shr<u>?.</u>ugs.

    IKE

    I am just such a reporter. And you are?

    PEGGY

    Peggy Phleming. Not the ice skater.

    Peggy steps aside. Ike moves toward dy and Mrs. Pressman.

    IKE

    And who are these lovely ladies?

    Te ladies shake his hand and introduce themselves.

    DY

    dy. Maggies unmarried cousin.

    MRS. PRESSMAN

    Mrs. Pressman. ion.

    PEGGY

    And you are?

    IKE

    (turning toward her)

    Looking fgie.

    PEGGY

    Yep. Maggie -- Someoo see you.

    Maggie looks over from her sitting position on the floor. She

    gives Ike the once-over, fog on the shoes.

    MAGGIE

    (yelling to Peggy)

    Reporter?

    PEGGY

    Yup!

    Ike crouches to see Maggie on the floor just as she rises to her

    feet. Ike straightens up. For a moment, he is thrown by her

    beauty and intelligent eyes.

    MAGGIE

    I hope you have a different angle.

    Its pretty much all been covered.

    IKE

    inality is my speciality.

    MAGGIE

    Excellent.

    PEGGY

    Hold on -- Nobody interviews Maggie in

    here uheyre getting haircut.

    MAGGIE

    Shes the boss.

    IKE

    Sorry, no. I just got one.

    MRS. PRESSMAN

    (to Ike)

    Excuse me, sir. I have an actual fact

    for you.

    IKE

    (steps to Mrs. Pressman)

    Yes, Mrs. Pressman.

    MRS. PRESSMAN

    Its her fourth time to the altar, you

    know. Not seven like they said.

    IKE

    I know. Tell me something. Do you

    think shes going to make it all the

    way this time?

    During the Ike/Mrs. Pressman exge, Maggie looks at Ike.

    Theres something familiar about him. She looks over at Peggy

    and bes her to a copy of Ikes n affixed to a mirror.

    A goatee and horns, have been scrawled on Ikes byline picture.

    Hes been &quot;devilized&quot;. Peggy coughs as she reizes Ike in

    the neer clipping.

    MAGGIE

    She swallowed her gun.

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