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Towards dawn he awoke. O what sweet music! His soul was all dewy wet. Over his limbs in sleep pale cool waves of light had passed. He lay still, as if his soul lay amid cool waters, scious of faint sweet music. His mind was waking slowly to a tremulous m knowledge, a m inspiration. A spirit filled him, pure as the purest water, sweet as dew, moving as music. But how faintly it was ihed, how passionlessly, as if the seraphim themselves were breathing upon him! His soul was waking slowly, fearing to awake wholly. It was that windless hour of dawn when madness wakes and strange plants open to the light and the moth flies forth silently.An entment of the heart! The night had been ented. In a dream or vision he had known the ecstasy of seraphic life. Was it an instant of entment only or long hours and years and ages?
The instant of inspiration seemed now to be reflected from all sides at once from a multitude of cloudy circumstances of what had happened or of what might have happehe instant flashed forth like a point of light and now from cloud on cloud of vague circumstance fused form was veiling softly its afterglow. O! In the virgin womb of the imagination the word was made flesh. Gabriel the seraph had e to the virgins chamber. An afterglow deepened within his spirit, whehe white flame had passed, deepening to a rose and ardent light. That rose and ardent light was her strange wilful heart, strahat no man had known or would know, wilful from before the beginning of the world; and lured by that ardent rose-like glow the choirs of the seraphim were falling from heaven.
Are you not weary of ardent ways,
Lure of the fallen seraphim?
Tell no more of ented days.
The verses passed from his mind to his lips and, murmuring them over, he felt the rhythmient of a villanelle pass through them. The rose-like glow sent forth its rays of rhyme; ways, days, blaze, praise, raise. Its rays burned up the world, ed the hearts of men and angels: the rays from the rose that was her wilful heart.
Your eyes have set ma ablaze
And you have had your will of him.
Are you not weary of ardent ways?
And then? The rhythm died away, ceased, began again to move a. And then? Smoke, inse asding from the altar of the world.
Above the flame the smoke of praise
Goes up from o rim to rim
Tell no more of ented days.
Smoke went up from the whole earth, from the vapoury os, smoke of her praise. The earth was like a swinging swaying ser, a ball of inse, an ellipsoidal fall. The rhythm died out at ohe cry of his heart was broken. His lips began to murmur the first verses over and over; the on stumbling through half verses, stammering and baffled; then stopped. The hearts cry was broken.
The veiled windless hour had passed and behind the panes of the naked window the m light was gathering. A bell beat faintly very far away. A bird twittered; two birds, three. The bell and the bird ceased; and the dull white light spread itself east a, c the world, c the roselight in his heart.
Fearing to lose all, he raised himself suddenly on his elbow to look for paper and pencil. There was her oable; only the soup plate he had eaten the rice from for supper and the dlestick with its tendrils of tallow and its paper socket, singed by the last flame. He stretched his arm wearily towards the foot of the bed, groping with his hand in the pockets of the coat that hung there. His fingers found a pencil and then a cigarette packet. He lay bad, tearing open the packet, placed the last cigarette on the window ledge and began to write out the stanzas of the villanelle in small letters on the rough cardboard surface.
Having written them out he lay ba the lumpy pillow, murmuring them again. The lumps of knotted floder his head reminded him of the lumps of knotted horsehair in the sofa of her parlour on which he used to sit, smiling or serious, asking himself why he had e, displeased with her and with himself, founded by the print of the Sacred Heart above the ued sideboard. He saw her approach him in a lull of the talk and beg him to sing one of his curious songs. Then he saw himself sitting at the old piano, striking chords softly from its speckled keys and singing, amid the talk which had risen again in the room, to her who leaned beside the mantelpiece a dainty song of the Elizabethans, a sad and sweet loth to depart, the victory t of Agincourt, the happy air of Greensleeves. While he sang and she listened, or feigo listen, his heart was at rest but when the quaint old songs had ended and he heard again the voices in the room he remembered his own sarcasm: the house where young men are called by their christian names a little too soon.
At certain instants her eyes seemed about to trust him but he had waited in vain. She passed now dang lightly across his memory as she had been that night at the ival ball, her white dress a little lifted, a white spray nodding in her hair. She danced lightly in the round. She was dang towards him and, as she came, her eyes were a little averted and a faint glow was on her cheek. At the pause in the of hands her hand had lain in his an instant, a soft merdise.
-- You are a great stranger now.
-- Yes. I was born to be a monk.
-- I am afraid you are a heretic.
-- Are you much afraid?
For answer she had danced away from him along the of hands, dang lightly and discreetly, giving herself to he white spray o her dang and when she was in shadow the glow was deeper on her cheek.
A monk! His own image started forth a profaner of the cloister, a heretic francis, willing and willing not to serve, spinning like Gherardino da Bo San Donnino, a lithe web of sophistry and whispering in her ear.
No, it was not his image. It was like the image of the young priest in whose pany he had seen her last, looking at him out of doves eyes, toying with the pages of her Irish phrase-book.
-- Yes, yes, the ladies are ing round to us. I see it every day. The ladies are with us. The best helpers the language has.
-- And the church, Father Moran?
-- The church too. ing round too. The work is going ahead there too. Dont fret about the church.
Bah! he had doo leave the room in disdain. He had done well not to salute her oeps of the library! He had doo leave her to flirt with her priest, to toy with a church which was the scullery-maid of christendom.
Rude brutal anger routed the last lingering instant of ecstasy from his soul. It broke up violently her fair image and flung the fragments on all sides. On all sides distorted refles of her image started from his memory: the flirl in the ragged dress with damp coarse hair and a hoydens face who had called herself his own girl and begged his hahe kit-girl in the house who sang over the clatter of her plates, with the drawl of a try sihe first bars of By Killarneys Lakes and Fells, a girl who had laughed gaily to see him stumble when the iron grating in0the footpath near Cork Hill had caught the broken sole of his shoe, a girl he had gla, attracted by her small ripe mouth, as she passed out of Jacobs biscuit factory, who had cried to him over her shoulder:
-- Do you like what you seen of me, straight hair and curly eyebrows?
A he felt that, however he might revile and mock her image, his anger was also a form of homage. He had left the classroom in disdain that was not wholly sincere, feeling that perhaps the secret of her race lay behind those dark eyes upon which her long lashes flung a quick shadow. He had told himself bitterly as he walked through the streets that she was a figure of the womanhood of her try, a bat-like soul waking to the sciousness of itself in darkness and secred loneliness, tarrying awhile, loveless and sinless, with her mild lover and leaving him to whisper of iransgressions iticed ear of a priest. His anger against her fou in coarse railing at her paramour, whose name and void features offended his baffled pride: a priested peasant, with a brother a poli in Dublin and a brother a potboy in Moycullen. To him she would unveil her souls shy nakedness, to one who was but schooled in the discharging of a formal rite rather than to him, a priest of the eternal imagination, transmuting the daily bread of experieo the radiant body of everliving life.
The radiant image of the eucharist united again in an instant his bitter and despairing thoughts, their cries arising unbroken in a hymn of thanksgiving.
Our broken cries and mournful lays
Rise in one eucharistic hymn
Are you not weary of ardent ways?
While sacrifig hands upraise
The chalice flowing to the brim.
Tell no more of ented days.
He spoke the verses aloud from the first liill the musid rhythm suffused his mind, turning it to quiet indulgehen copied them painfully to feel them the better by seeing them; then lay ba his bolster.
The full m light had e. No sound was to be heard; but he khat all around him life was about to awaken in on noises, hoarse voices, sleepy prayers. Shrinking from that life he turowards the wall, making a cowl of the bla and staring at the great overblown scarlet flowers of the tattered aper. He tried to warm his perishing joy in their scarlet glow, imagining a roseway from where he lay upwards to heaven all strewn with scarlet flowers. Weary! Weary! He too was weary of ardent ways.
A gradual warmth, a languorous weariness passed over him desding along his spine from his closely cowled head. He felt it desd and, seeing himself as he lay, smiled. Soon he would sleep.
He had written verses for her again after ten years. Ten years before she had worn her shawl cowlwise about her head, sending sprays of her warm breath into the night air, tapping her foot upon the glassy road. It was the last tram; the lank brown horses k and shook their bells to the clear night in admonition. The ductor talked with the driver, both nodding often in the green light of the lamp. They stood oeps of the tram, he on the upper, she on the lower. She came up to his step many times between their phrases a down again and once or twice remained beside him fetting to go down and the dow be! Let be!
Ten years from that wisdom of children to his folly. If he sehe verses? They would be read out at breakfast amid the tapping of egg-shells. Folly indeed! Her brothers would laugh and try to wrest the page from each other with their strong hard fingers. The suave priest, her uncle, seated in his arm-chair, would hold the page at arms length, read it smiling and approve of the literary form.
No, no; that was folly. Even if he sehe verses she would not show them to others. No, no; she could not.
He began to feel that he had wronged her. A sense of her innoce moved him almost to pity her, an innoce he had never uood till he had e to the knowledge of it through sin, an innoce which she too had not uood while she was i or before the strange humiliation of her nature had first e upohen first her soul had begun to live as his soul had when he had first sinned, and a tender passion filled his heart as he remembered her frail pallor and her eyes, humbled and saddened by the dark shame of womanhood.
While his soul had passed from ecstasy to languor where had she been? Might it be, in the mysterious ways of spiritual life, that her soul at those same moments had been scious of his homage? It might be.
A glow of desire kindled again his soul and fired and fulfilled all his body. scious of his desire she was waking from odorous sleep, the temptress of his villanelle. Her eyes, dark and with a look of languor, were opening to his eyes. Her nakedness yielded to him, radiant, warm, odorous and lavish-limbed, enfolded him like a shining cloud, enfolded him like water with a liquid life; and like a cloud of vapour or like waters circumfluent in space the liquid letters of speech, symbols of the element of mystery, flowed forth over his brain.
Are you not weary of ardent ways,
Lure of the fallen seraphim?
Tell no more of ented days.
Your eyes have set ma ablaze
And you have had your will of him.
Are you not weary of ardent ways?
Above the flame the smoke of praise
Goes up from o rim to rim.
Tell no more of ented days.
Our broken cries and mournful lays
Rise in one eucharistic hymn.
Are you not weary of ardent ways?
While sacrifig hands upraise
The chalice flowing to the brim.
Tell no more of ented days.
And still you hold our longing gaze
With languorous look and lavish limb!
Are you not weary of ardent ways?
Tell no more of ented days.
What birds were they? He stood oeps of the library to look at them, leaning wearily on his ashplant. They flew round and round the jutting shoulder of a house in Molesworth Street. The air of the late March evening made clear their flight, their dark quivering bodies flying clearly against the sky as against a limp-hung cloth of smoky tenuous blue.
He watched their flight; bird after bird: a dark flash, a swerve, a flutter of wings. He tried to t them before all their darting quivering bodies passed: six, ten, eleven: and wondered were they odd or even in welve, thirteen: for two came wheeling down from the upper sky. They were flying high and low but ever round and round in straight and curving lines and ever flying from left tht, cirg about a temple of air.
He listeo the cries: like the squeak of mice behind the wainscot: a shrill twofold note. But the notes were long and shrill and whirring, uhe cry of vermin, falling a third or a fourth and trilled as the flying beaks clove the air. Their cry was shrill and clear and fine and falling like threads of silken light unwound from whirring spools.
The inhuman clamour soothed his ears in which his mothers sobs and reproaches murmured insistently and the dark frail quivering bodies wheeling and fluttering and swerving round an airy temple of the tenuous sky soothed his eyes which still saw the image of his mothers face.
Why was he gazing upwards from the steps of the porch, hearing their shrill twofold cry, watg their flight? For an augury of good or evil? A phrase of elius Agrippa flew through his mind and then there flew hither and thither shapeless thoughts from Swedenb on the correspondence of birds to things of the intelled of how the creatures of the air have their knowledge and know their times and seasons because they, unlike man, are in the order of their life and have not perverted that order by reason.
And fes men had gazed upward as he was gazing at birds in flight. The nade above him made him think vaguely of an aemple and the ashplant on which he leaned wearily of the curved stick of an augur. A sense of fear of the unknown moved in the heart of his weariness, a fear of symbols and portents, of the hawk-like man whose name he bore s out of his captivity on osier-woven wings, of Thoth, the god of writers, writing with a reed upon a tablet and bearing on his narrow ibis head the cusped moon.
He smiled as he thought of the gods image for it made him think of a bottle-nosed judge in a wig, putting as into a dot which he held at arms length, and he khat he would not have remembered the gods that it was like an Irish oath. It was folly. But was it for this folly that he was about to leave for ever the house of prayer and prudeo which he had been born and the order of life out of which he had e?
They came back with shrill cries over the jutting shoulder of the house, flying darkly against the fading air. What birds were they? He thought that they must be swallows who had e back from the south. Then he was to go away for they were birds ever going and ing, building ever an unlasting home uhe eaves of mens houses and ever leaving the homes they had built to wander.
Bend down your faces, Oona and Aleel.
I gaze upon them as the swallow gazes
Upon the uhe eave before
He wahe loud waters.
A soft liquid joy like the noise of many waters flowed over his memory and he felt in his heart the soft peace of silent spaces of fading tenuous sky above the waters, of oic silence, of swallows flying through the sea-dusk over the flowing waters.
A soft liquid joy flowed through the words where the soft long vowels hurtled noiselessly and fell away, lapping and flowing bad ever shaking the white bells of their waves in mute chime and mute peal, and soft low swooning cry; and he felt that the augury he had sought in the wheeling darting birds and in the pale space of sky above him had e forth from his heart like a bird from a turret, quietly and swiftly.
Symbol of departure or of loneliness? The verses ed in the ear of his memory posed slowly before his remembering eyes the se of the hall on the night of the opening of the national theatre. He was alo the side of the baly, looking out of jaded eyes at the culture of Dublin Ialls and at the tawdry se-cloths and human dolls framed by the garish lamps of the stage. A burly poli sweated behind him and seemed at every moment about to act. The catcalls and hisses and mog cries ran in rude gusts round the hall from his scattered fellow students.
-- A libel on Ireland!
-- Made in Germany.
-- Blasphemy!
-- We never sold our faith!
-- No Irish woman ever did it!
-- We want no amateur atheists.
-- We want no budding buddhists.
A sudden swift hiss fell from the windows above him and he khat the electric lamps had been switched on in the readers room. He turned into the pillared hall, now calmly lit, went up the staircase and passed in through the clig turnstile.
ly was sitting over he diaries. A thick book, ope the frontispiece, lay before him on the woode. He leaned ba his chair, ining his ear like that of a fessor to the face of the medical student who was reading to him a problem from the chess page of a journal. Stephen sat down at his right and the priest at the other side of the table closed his copy of The Tablet with an angry snap and stood up.
ly gazed after him blandly and vaguely. The medical stude on in a softer voice:
-- Pawn to kings fourth.
-- We had better go, Dixon, said Stephen in warning. He has goo plain.
Dixon folded the journal and rose with dignity, saying:
-- Our meired in good order.
-- With guns and cattle, added Stephen, pointing to the titlepage of lys book on which rinted Diseases of the Ox.
As they passed through a lane of the tables Stephen said:
-- ly, I want to speak to you.
ly did not answer or turn. He laid his book on the ter and passed out, his well-shod feet sounding flatly on the floor. Oaircase he paused and gazing absently at Dixoed:
-- Pawn to kings bloody fourth.
-- Put it that way if you like, Dixon said.
He had a quiet toneless void urbane manners and on a finger of his plump hand he displayed at moments a sig ring.
As they crossed the hall a man of dwarfish stature came towards them. Uhe dome of his tiny hat his unshaven face began to smile with pleasure and he was heard to murmur. The eyes were melancholy as those of a monkey.
-- Good evening, gentlemen, said the stubble-grown monkeyish face.
-- Warm weather for March, said ly. They have the windows open upstairs.
Dixon smiled and turned his ring. The blackish, monkey-puckered face pursed its human mouth with gentle pleasure and its voice purred:
-- Delightful weather for March. Simply delightful.
-- There are two nice young ladies upstairs, captain, tired of waiting, Dixon said.
ly smiled and said kindly:
-- The captain has only one love: sir Walter Scott. Isnt that so, captain?
-- What are you reading notain? Dixon asked. The Bride of Lammermoor? -- I love old Scott, the flexible lips said, I think he writes something lovely. There is no writer touch sir Walter Scott.
He moved a thin shrunken brown haly in the air in time to his praise and his thin quick eyelids beat often over his sad eyes.
Sadder to Stephens ear was his speech: a genteel at, low and moist, marred by errors, and, listening to it, he wondered was the story true and was the thin blood that flowed in his shrunken frame noble and e of an iuous love?
The park trees were heavy with rain; and rain fell still and ever in the lake, lying grey like a shield. A game of swans flew there and the water and the shore beh were fouled with their green-white slime. They embraced softly, - impelled by the grey rainy light, the wet silent trees, the shield-like witnessing lake, the swans. They embraced without joy or passion, his arm about his sisters neck. A grey woollen cloak was ed athwart her from her shoulder to her waist and her fair head was bent in willing shame. He had loose red-brown hair and tender shapely strong freckled hands. Face? There was no face seen. The brothers face was bent upon her fair rain-fragrant hair. The hand freckled and strong and shapely and caressing was Davins hand.
He frowned angrily upon his thought and on the shrivelled mannikin who had called it forth. His fathers jibes at the Bantry gang leaped out of his memory. He held them at a distand brooded uneasily on his own thought again. Why were they not lys hands? Had Davins simplicity and innoce stung him more secretly?
He walked on across the hall with Dixon, leaving ly to take leave elaborately of the dwarf.
Uhe emple was standing in the midst of a little group of students. One of them cried:
-- Dixon, e ov<samp></samp>er till you hear. Temple is in grand form.
Temple turned on him his dark gipsy eyes.
-- Youre a hypocrite, OKeeffe, he said. And Dixon is a smiler. By hell, I think thats a good literary expression.
He laughed slyly, looking in Stephens face, repeating:
-- By hell, Im delighted with that name. A smiler.
A stout student who stood below them oeps said:
-- e back to the mistress, Temple. We want to hear about that.
-- He had, faith, Temple said. And he was a married man too. And all the priests used to be dining there. By hell, I think they all had a touch.
-- We shall call it riding a hack to spare the hunter, said Dixon.
-- Tell us, Temple, OKeeffe said, how many quarts of porter have you in you?
-- All your intellectual soul is in that phrase, OKeeffe, said Temple with open s.
He moved with a shambling gait round the group and spoke to Stephen.
-- Did you know that the Forsters are the kings of Belgium? he asked.
ly came out through the door of the entrance hall, his hat thrust ba the nape of his ned pig his teeth with care.
And heres the wiseacre, said Temple. Do you know that about the Forsters?
He paused for an answer. ly dislodged a figseed from his teeth on the point of his rude toothpid gazed at it ily
-- The Forster family, Temple said, is desded from Baldwin the First, king of Flanders. He was called the Forester. Forester and Forster are the same name. A desdant of Baldwin the First, captain Francis Forster, settled in Ireland and married the daughter of the last chieftain of brassil. Then there are the Blake Forsters. Thats a different branch.
-- From Baldhead, king of Flanders, ly repeated, rooting again deliberately at his gleaming uncovered teeth.
-- Where did you pick up all that history? OKeeffe asked.
-- I know all the history of your family, too, Temple said, turning to Stephen. Do you know what Giraldus Cambrensis says about your family?
-- Is he desded from Baldwin too? asked a tall ptive student with dark eyes.
-- Baldhead, ly repeated, sug at a crevi his teeth.
-- Pernobilis et pervetusta familia, Temple said to Stephen. The stout student who stood below them oeps farted briefly. Dixon turowards him, saying in a soft voice:
-- Did an angel speak?
ly turned also and said vehemently but without anger:
-- Goggins, youre the flami dirty devil I ever met, do you know.
-- I had it on my mind to say that, Goggins answered firmly. It did no one any harm, did it?
-- We hope, Dixon said suavely, that it was not of the kind known to sce as a paulo post futurum.
-- Didnt I tell you he was a smiler? said Temple, turning right a. Didnt I give him that name?
-- You did. Were not deaf, said the tall ptive.
ly still frow the stout student below him. Then, with a snort of disgust, he shoved him violently doweps.
-- Go away from here, he said rudely. Go away, you stinkpot. And you are a stinkpot.
Goggins skipped down on to the gravel and at ouro his place with good humour. Temple turned back to Stephen and asked:
-- Do you believe in the law of heredity?
-- Are you drunk or what are you or what are y to say? asked ly, fag round on him with an expression of wonder.
-- The most profouence ever written, Temple said with enthusiasm, is the sente the end of the zoology. Reprodu is the beginning of death.
He touched Stephen timidly at the elbow and said eagerly:
-- Do you feel how profound that is because you are a poet?
-- ly pointed his long forefinger.
-- Look at him! he said with s to the others. Look at Irelands hope!
They laughed at his words aure. Temple turned on him bravely, saying:
-- ly, youre always sneering at me. I see that. But I am as good as you any day. Do you know what I think about you now as pared with myself?
-- My dear man, said ly urbanely, you are incapable, do you know, absolutely incapable of thinking.
-- But do you know, Temple went on, what I think of you and of myself pared together?
-- Out with it, Temple! the stout student cried from the steps. Get it out in bits!
Temple turned right a, making sudden feeble gestures as he spoke.
-- Im a ballocks, he said, shaking his head in despair. I am and I know I am. And I admit it that I am.
Dixon patted him lightly on the shoulder and said mildly:
-- And it does you every credit, Temple.
-- But he, Temple said, pointing to ly, he is a ballocks, too, like me. Only he doesnt know it. And thats the only difference I see.
A burst of laughter covered his words. But he turned again to Stephen and said with a sudden eagerness:
-- That word is a most iing word. Thats the only English dual number. Did you know?
-- Is it? Stephen said vaguely.
He was watg lys firm-featured suffering face, lit up now by a smile of false patiehe gross name had passed over it like foul water poured over an old stone image, patient of injuries; and, as he watched him, he saw him raise his hat in salute and uhe black hair that stood stiffly from his forehead like an iron .
She passed out from the porch of the library and bowed across Stephen in reply to lys greeting. He also? Was there not a slight flush on lys cheek? Or had it e forth at Temples words? The light had waned. He could not see.
Did that explain his friends listless silence, his harsh ents, the sudden intrusions of rude speech with which he had shattered so often Stephens ardent wayward fessions? Stephen had fiven freely for he had found this rudeness also in himself. And he remembered an evening when he had dismounted from a borrowed creaking bicycle to pray to God in a wood near Malahide. He had lifted up his arms and spoken iasy to the sombre nave of the trees, knowing that he stood on holy ground and in a holy hour. And when two stabulary men had e into sight round a bend in the gloomy road he had broken off his prayer to whistle loudly an air from the last pantomime.
He began to beat the frayed end of his ashplant against the base of a pillar. Had ly not heard him? Yet he could wait. The talk about him ceased for a moment and a soft hiss fell again from a window above. But no other sound was in the air and the swallows whose flight he had followed with idle eyes were sleeping.
She had passed through the dusk. And therefore the air was silent save for one soft hiss that fell. And therefore the tongues about him had ceased their babble. Darkness was falling.
Darkness falls from the air.
A trembling joy, lambent as a faint light, played like a fairy host around him. But why? Her passage through the darkening air or the verse with its black vowels and its opening sound, rid lutelike?
He walked away slowly towards the deeper shadows at the end of the nade, beating the stone softly with his stick to hide his revery from the students whom he had left: and allowed his mind to summon back to itself the age of Dowland and Byrd and Nash.
Eyes, opening from the darkness of desire, eyes that dimmed the breaki. What was their languid grace but the softness of chambering? And what was their shimmer but the shimmer of the scum that mahe cesspool of the court of a sl Stuart. Aasted in the language of memory ambered wines, dying fallings of sweet airs, the proud pavan, and saw with the eyes of memory kilewomen in t Garden wooing from their balies with sug mouths and the pox-fouled wenches of the taverns and young wives that, gaily yielding to their ravishers, clipped and clipped again.
The images he had summoned gave him no pleasure. They were secret and inflaming but her image was angled by them. That was not the way to think of her. It was not even the way in which he thought of her. Could his mind then not trust itself? Old phrases, sweet only with a disinterred sweetness like the figseeds ly rooted out of his gleamih.
It was not thought nor vision though he knew vaguely that her figure assing homeward through the city. Vaguely first and then more sharply he smelt her body. A scious u seethed in his blood. Yes, it was her body he smelt, a wild and languid smell, the tepid limbs over which his music had flowed desirously and the secret soft linen upon which her flesh distilled odour and a dew.
A louse crawled over the nape of his ned, putting his thumb and forefinger deftly beh his loose collar, he caught it. He rolled its body, tender yet brittle as a grain of rice, between thumb and finger for an instant before he let it fall from him and wondered would it live or die. There came to his mind a curious phrase from elius à Lapide which said that the lice born of huma were not created by God with the other animals on the sixth day. But the tig of the skin of his neck made his mind raw ahe life of his body, ill clad, ill fed, louse-eaten, made him close his eyelids in a sudden spasm of despair and in the darkness he saw the brittle bright bodies of lice falling from the air and turning often as they fell. Yes, and it was not darkhat fell from the air. It was brightness.
Brightness falls from the air.
He had not even remembered rightly Nashs line. All the images it had awakened were false. His mind bred vermin. His thoughts were lice born of the sweat of sloth.
He came back quickly along the owards the group of students. Well the her go and be damo her! She could love some athlete who washed himself every m to the waist and had black hair on his chest. Let her.
ly had taken another dried fig from the supply in his pocket and was eating it slowly and noisily. Temple sat on the pediment of a pillar, leaning back, his cap pulled down on his sleepy eyes. A squat young man came out of the porch, a leather portfolio tucked under his armpit. He marched towards the group, striking the flags with the heels of his boots and with the ferrule of his heavy umbrella. Then, raising the umbrella in salute, he said to all:
-- Good evening, sirs.
He struck the flags again and tittered while his head trembled with a slight nervous movement. The tall ptive student and Dixon and OKeeffe were speaking in Irish and did not answer him. Then, turning to ly, he said:
-- Good evening, particularly to you.
He moved the umbrella in indication and tittered again. ly, who was still chewing the fig, answered with loud movements of his jaws.
-- Good? Yes. It is a good evening.
The squat student looked at him seriously and shook his umbrella gently and reprovingly.
-- I see, he said, that you are about to make obvious remarks.
-- Um, ly answered, holding out what remained of the half chewed fig and jerking it towards the squat students mouth in sign that he should eat.
The squat student did it but, indulging his special humour, said gravely, still tittering and prodding his phrase with his umbrella:
-- Do you ihat?
He broke off, pointed bluntly to the munched pulp of the fig, and said loudly:
-- I allude to that.
Um, ly said as before.
-- Do you ihat now, the squat student said, as ipso facto or, let us say, as so to speak?
Dixon turned aside from his group, saying:
-- Goggins was waiting for you, Glynn. He has gone round to the Adelphi to look for you and Moynihan. What have you there? he asked, tapping the portfolio under Glynns arm.
-- Examination papers, Glynn answered. I give them monthly examinations to see that they are profiting by my tuition.
He also tapped the portfolio and coughed gently and smiled.
-- Tuition! said ly rudely. I suppose you mean the barefooted children that are taught by a bloody ape like you. God help them!
He bit off the rest of the fig and flung away the butt.
-- I suffer little children to e unto me, Glynn said amiably.
-- A bloody ape, ly repeated with emphasis, and a blasphemous bloody ape!
Temple stood up and, pushing past ly, addressed Glynn:
-- That phrase you said now, he said, is from the estament about suffer the children to e to me.
-- Go to sleep again, Temple, said OKeeffe.
-- Very well, then, Temple tinued, still addressing Glynn, and if Jesus suffered the children to e why does the church send them all to hell if they die unbaptized? Why is that?
-- Were you baptized yourself, Temple? the ptive student asked.
-- But why are they sent to hell if Jesus said they were all to e? Temple said, his eyes searg Glynns eyes.
Glynn coughed and said gently, holding back with difficulty the nervous titter in his void moving his umbrella at every word:
-- And, as you remark, if it is thus, I ask emphatically whenes this thusness.
-- Because the church is cruel like all old sinners, Temple said.
-- Are you quite orthodox on that point, Temple? Dixon said suavely.
-- Saint Augustine says that about unbaptized children going to hell, Temple answered, because he was a cruel old sioo.
-- I bow to you, Dixon said, but I had the impression that limbo existed for such cases.
-- Dont argue with him, Dixon, ly said brutally. Dont talk to him or look at him. Lead him home with a sugan the way youd lead a bleating goat.
-- Limbo! Temple cried. Thats a fine iion too. Like hell.
-- But with the unpleasantness left out, Dixon said. He turned smiling to the others and said:
-- I think I am voig the opinions of all present in saying so much.
-Ylynn said in a firm tone. On that point Ireland is united.
He struck the ferrule of his umbrella oone floor of the nade.
-- Hell, Temple said. I respect that iion of the grey spouse of Satan. Hell is Roman, like the walls of the Romans, strong and ugly. But what is limbo?
-- Put him bato the perambulator, ly, OKeeffe called out.
ly made a swift step towards Temple, halted, stamping his foot, g as if to a fowl:
-- Hoosh!
Temple moved away nimbly.
-- Do you know what limbo is? he cried. Do you know what we call a notion like that in Roson?
-- Hoosh! Blast you! ly cried, clapping his hands.
-- her my arse nor my elbow! Temple cried out sfully. And thats what I call limbo.
-- Give us that stick here, ly said.
He snatched the ashplant roughly from Stephens hand and sprang doweps: but Temple, hearing him move in pursuit, fled through the dusk like a wild creature, nimble and fleet-footed. lys heavy boots were heard loudly charging across the quadrangle and theurning heavily, foiled and spurning the gravel at each step.
His step was angry and with an angry abrupt gesture he thrust the stick bato Stephens hand. Stephehat his anger had another cause but, feigning patieouched his arm slightly and said quietly:
-- ly, I told you I wao speak to you. e away. ly looked at him for a few moments and asked:
-- Now?
-- Yes, now, Stephen said. We t speak here. e away.
They crossed the quadraogether without speaking. The bird call from Sigfried whistled softly followed them from the steps of the porch. ly turned, and Dixon, who had whistled, called out:
-- Where are you fellows off to? What about that game, ly?
They parleyed in shouts across the still air about a game of billiards to be played in the Adelphi hotel. Stephen walked on alone and out into the quiet of Kildare Street opposite Maples hotel he stood to wait, patient again. The name of the hotel, a colourless polished wood, and its colourless front stung him like a glance of polite disdaiared angrily back at the softly lit drawing-room of the hotel in which he imagihe sleek lives of the patris of Ireland housed in calm. They thought of army issions and land agents: peasants greeted them along the roads in the try; they khe names of certain French dishes and gave orders to jarvies in high-pitched provincial voices which pierced through their skin-tight ats.
How could he hit their sce or how cast his shadow over the imaginations of their daughters, before their squires begat upohat they might breed a race less ighan their own? And uhe deepened dusk he felt the thoughts and desires of the race to which he belonged flitting like bats across the dark try lanes, urees by the edges of streams ahe pool-mottled bogs. A woman had waited in the doorway as Davin had passed by at night and, him a ilk, had all but wooed him to her bed; for Davin had the mild eyes of one who could be secret. But him no womans eyes had wooed.
His arm was taken in a strong grip and lys voice said:
-- Let us eke go.
They walked southward in silehen ly said:
-- That blithering idiot, Temple! I swear to Moses, do you know, that Ill be the death of that fellow oime.
but his voic<mark>藏书网</mark>e was no lry and Stephen wondered was he thinking of her greeting to him uhe porch.
They turo the left and walked on as before. When they had gone on so for some time Stephen said:
-- ly, I had an unpleasant quarrel this evening.
-- With your people? ly asked.
-- With my mother.
-- Abion?
-- Yes, Stephen answered.
After a pause ly asked:
-- What age is your mother?
-- Not old, Stephen said. She wishes me to make my easter duty.
-- And will you?
-- I will not, Stephen said.
-- Why not? ly said.
-- I will not serve, answered Stephen.
-- That remark was made before, ly said calmly.
-- It is made behind now, said Stephen hotly.
ly pressed Stephens arm, saying:
-- Go easy, my dear man. Youre aable bloody man, do you know.
He laughed nervously as he spoke and, looking up into Stephens face with moved and friendly eyes, said:
-- Do you know that you are aable man?
-- I daresay I am, said Stephen, laughing also.
Their minds, lately estranged, seemed suddenly to have been drawn closer, oo the other.
-- Do you believe in the eucharist? ly asked.
-- I do not, Stephen said.
-- Do you disbelieve then?
-- I her believe in it nor disbelieve in it, Stephen answered.
-- Many persons have doubts, even religious persons, yet they overe them or put them aside, ly said. Are your doubts on that point to?
-- I do not wish to overe them, Stephen answered.
ly, embarrassed for a moment, took an from his pocket and was about to eat it when Stephen said:
-- Dont, please. You ot discuss this question with your mouth full of chewed fig.
ly examihe fig by the light of a lamp under which he halted. Then he smelt it with both nostrils, bit a tiny piece, spat it out and threw the fig rudely into the gutter.
Addressing it as it lay, he said:
-- Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire! Taking Stephens arms, he went on again and said:
-- Do you not fear that those words may be spoken to you on the day of Judgement?
-- What is offered me oher hand? Stephen asked. Ay of bliss in the pany of the dean of studies?
-- Remember, ly said, that he would be glorified.
-- Ay, Stephen said somewhat bitterly, bright, agile, impassible and, above all, subtle.
-- It is a curious thing, do you know, ly said dispassionately, how your mind is supersaturated with the religion in which you say you disbelieve. Did you believe in it when you were at school? I bet you did.
-- I did, Stephen answered.
-- And were you happier then? ly asked softly, happier than you are now, for instance?
-- Often happy, Stephen said, and often unhappy. I was someone else then.
-- How someone else? What do you mean by that statement?
-- I mean, said Stephen, that I was not myself as I am now, as I had to bee.
-- Not as you are now, not as you had to bee, ly repeated. Let me ask you a question. Do you love your mother?
Stephen shook his head slowly.
-- I dont know what your words mean, he said simply.
-- Have you never loved anyone? ly asked.
-- Do you mean women?
-- I am not speaking of that, ly said in a colder tone. I ask you if you ever felt love towards anyone or anything?
Stephen walked on beside his friend, staring gloomily at the footpath.
-- I tried to love God, he said at length. It seems now I failed. It is very difficult. I tried to unite my will with the will of God instant by instant. In that I did not always fail. I could perhaps do that still --
ly cut him short by asking:
-- Has your mother had a happy life?
-- How do I know? Stephen said.
-- How many children had she?
-- Nine or ten, Stephen answered. Some died.
-- Was your fatherly interrupted himself for an instant, and then said: I dont want to pry into your family affairs. But was your father what is called well-to-do? I mean, when you were growing up?
-- Yes, Stephen said.
-- What was he? ly asked after a pause.
Stephen began to ee glibly his fathers attributes.
-- A medical student, an oarsman, a tenor, an amateur actor, a shouting politi, a small landlord, a small ior, a drinker, a good fellow, a story-teller, somebodys secretary, something in a distillery, a tax-gatherer, a bankrupt and at present a praiser of his own past.
ly laughed, tightening his grip on Stephens arm, and said:
-- The distillery is damn good.
-- Is there anything else you want to know? Stephen asked.
-- Are you in good circumsta present?
-- Do, look it? Stephen asked bluntly.
-- So then, ly went on musingly, you were born in the lap of luxury.
He used the phrase broadly and loudly as he ofteeical expressions, as if he wished his hearer to uand that they were used by him without vi.
-- Your mother must have gohrough a good deal of suffering, he said then. Would you not try to save her from suffering more even ifor would you?
-- If I could, Stephen said, that would e very little.
-- Then do so, ly said. Do as she wishes you to do. What is it for you? You disbelieve in it. It is a form: nothing else. And you will set her mind at rest.
He ceased and, as Stephen did not reply, remained silent. Then, as if giving utterao the process of his own thought, he said:
-- Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mothers love is not. Your mother brings you into the world, carries you first in her body. What do we know about what she feels? But whatever she feels, it, at least, must be real. It must be. What are our ideas or ambitions? Play. Ideas! Why, that bloody bleating goat Temple has ideas. Ma has ideas too. Every jackass going the roads thinks he has ideas.
Stephen, who had been listening to the unspoken speech behind the words, said with assumed carelessness:
-- Pascal, if I remember rightly, would not suffer his mother to kiss him as he feared the tact of her sex.
-- Pascal ig, said ly.
-- Aloysius Gonzaga, I think, was of the same mind, Stephen said.
-- And he was an then, said ly.
-- The church calls him a saint, Stephen objected.
-I dont care a flaming damn what anyone calls him, ly said rudely and flatly. I call him a pig.
Stephen, preparing the words ly in his mind, tinued:
-- Jesus, too, seems to have treated his mother with st courtesy in public but Suarez, a jesuit theologian and Spanish gentleman, has apologized for him.
-- Did the idea ever occ<cite>?</cite>ur to you, ly asked, that Jesus was not what he preteo be?
-- The first person to whom that idea occurred, Stephen answered, was Jesus himself.
-- I mean, ly said, hardening in his speech, did the idea ever occur to you that he was himself a scious hypocrite, what he called the jews of his time, a whited sepulchre? Or, to put it more plainly, that he was a blackguard?
-- That idea never occurred to me, Stephen answered. But I am curious to know are y to make a vert of me or a pervert of yourself?
He turowards his friends fad saw there a raw smile whie force of will strove to make finely signifit.
ly asked suddenly in a plain sensible tone:
-- Tell me the truth. Were you at all shocked by what I said?
-- Somewhat, Stephen said.
-- And why were you shocked, ly pressed on in the same tone, if you feel sure that ion is false and that Jesus was not the son of God?
-- I am not at all sure of it, Stephen said. He is more like a son of God than a son of Mary.
-- And is that why you will not unicate, ly asked, because you are not sure of that too, because you feel that the host, too, may be the body and blood of the son of God and not a wafer of bread? And because you fear that it may be?
-- Yes, Stephen said quietly, I feel that and I also fear it.
-- I see, ly said.
Stephen, struck by his tone of closure, reopehe discussion at once by saying:
-- I fear many things: dogs, horses, fire-arms, the sea, thuorms, maery, the try roads at night.
-- But why do you fear a bit of bread?
-- I imagiephen said, that there is a malevoley behind those things I say I fear.
-- Do you fear then, ly asked, that the God of the Roman catholics would strike you dead and damn you if you made a sacrilegious union?
-- The God of the Roman catholics could do that now, Stephen said. I fear more than that the chemical a which would be set up in my soul by a false homage to a symbol behind which are massed twenty turies of authority and veion.
-- Would you, ly asked, ireme danger, it that particular sacrilege? For instance, if you lived in the penal days?
-- I ot answer for the past, Stephen replied. Possibly not.
-- Then, said ly, you do not io bee a protestant?
-- I said that I had lost the faith, Stephen answered, but not that I had lost self-respect. What kind of liberation would that be to forsake an absurdity which is logical and coherent and to embrae which is illogical and i?
They had walked on towards the township of Pembroke and now, as they went on slowly along the avehe trees and the scattered lights in the villas soothed their minds. The air of wealth and repose diffused about them seemed to fort their neediness. Behind a hedge of laurel a light glimmered in the window of a kit and the voice of a servant was heard singing as she sharpened knives. She sang, in short broken bars:
Rosie OGrady.
ly stopped to listen, saying:
-- Mulier tat.
The soft beauty of the Latin word touched with an enting touch the dark of the evening, with a touch fainter and more persuading thaouusic or of a womans hand. The strife of their minds was quelled. The figure of a woman as she appears iurgy of the church passed silently through the darkness: a white-robed figure, small and slender as a boy, and with a falling girdle. Her voice, frail and high as a boys, was heard intoning from a distant choir the first words of a woman which pierce the gloom and clamour of the first ting of the passion:
Et tu cum Jesu Galilaeo eras.
And all hearts were touched and turo her voice, shining like a young star, shining clearer as the voitohe pro-paroxytone and more faintly as the ce died.
The singing ceased. They went on together, ly repeating in strongly stressed rhythm the end of the refrain:
And when we are married,
O, hoy well be
For I love sweet Rosie OGrady
And Rosie OGrady loves me.
-- Theres real poetry for you, he said. Theres real love.
He glanced sideways at Stephen with a strange smile and said:
-- Do you sider that poetry? Or do you know what the words mean?
-- I want to see Rosie first, said Stephen.
-- Shes easy to find, ly said.
His hat had e down on his forehead. He shoved it bad in the shadow of the trees Stephen saw his pale face, framed by the dark, and his large dark eyes. Yes. His face was handsome and his body was strong and hard. He had spoken of a mothers love. He felt then the sufferings of women, the weaknesses of their bodies and souls; and would shield them with a strong and resolute arm and bow his mind to them.
Away then: it is time to go. A voice spoke softly to Stephens lonely heart, bidding him go and telling him that his friendship was ing to an end. Yes; he would go. He could not strive against another. He knew his part.
-- Probably I shall go away, he said.
-- Where? ly asked.
-- Where I , Stephen said.
-- Yes, ly said. It might be difficult for you to live here now. But is it that makes you go?
-- I have to go, Stephen answered.
-- Because, ly tinued, you need not look upon yourself as driven away if you do not wish to go or as a heretic or an outlaw. There are many good believers who think as you do. Would that surprise you? The church is not the stone building nor even the clergy and their dogmas. It is the whole mass of those born into it. I dont know what you wish to do in life. Is it what you told me the night we were standing outside Harcourt Street station?
-- Yes, Stephen said, smiling in spite of himself at lys way of remembering thoughts in exion with places. The night you spent half an hour wrangling with Doherty about the shortest way from Sallygap to Larras.
-- Pothead! ly said with calm pt. What does he know about the way from Sallygap to Larras? Or what does he know about anything for that matter? And the big sl washing-pot head of him!
He broke into a loud long laugh.
-- Well? Stephen said. Do you remember the rest?
What you said, is it? ly asked. Yes, I remember it. To discover the mode of life or of art whereby your spirit could express itself in uered freedom.
Stephen raised his hat in aowledgement.
-- Freedom! ly repeated. But you are not free enough yet to it a sacrilege. Tell me would you rob?
-- I would beg first, Stephen said.
-- And if you got nothing, would you rob?
-- You wish me to say, Stephen answered, that the rights of property are provisional, and that iain circumsta is not unlawful to rob. Everyone would a that belief. So I will not make you that answer. Apply to the jesuit theologian, Juan Mariaalavera, who will also explain to you in what circumstances you may lawfully Kill your King and whether you had better hand him his poison in a goblet or smear it for him upon his robe or his saddlebow. Ask me rather would I suffer others to rob me, or if they did, would I call down upon them what I believe is called the chastisement of the secular arm?
-- And would you?
-- I think, Stephen said, it would pain me as much to do so as to be robbed.
-- I see, ly said.
He produced his matd began to the crevice between two teeth. Then he said carelessly:
-- Tell me, for example, would you deflower a virgin?
-- Excuse me, Stephen said politely, is that not the ambition of most youlemen?
-- What then is your point of view? ly asked.
His last phrase, sour smelling as the smoke of charcoal and disheartenied Stephens brain, over which its fumes seemed to brood.
-- Look here, ly, he said. You have asked me what I would do and what I would not do. I will tell you what I will do and what I will not do. I will not serve that in which I no longer believe, whether it call itself my home, my fatherland, or my church: and I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I and as wholly as I , using for my defehe only arms I allow myself to use - silence, exile, and ing.
ly seized his arm and steered him round so as to lead him back towards Leeson Park. He laughed almost slyly and pressed Stephens arm with an elders affe.
-- ing indeed! he said. Is it you? You poor poet, you!
-- And you made me fess to you, Stephen said, thrilled by his touch, as I have fessed to you so many other things, have I not?
-- Yes, my child, ly said, still gaily.
-- You made me fess the fears that I have. But I will tell you also what I do not fear. I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to leave. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake, and perhaps as long as eternity too.
ly, now grave again, slowed his pad said:
-- Alone, quite alone. You have no fear of that. And you know what that word means? Not only to be separate from all others but to have not even one friend.
-- I will take the risk, said Stephen.
-- And not to have any one person, ly said, who would be more than a friend, more even than the and truest friend a man ever had.
His words seemed to have strue deep chord in his own nature. Had he spoken of himself, of himself as he was or wished to be? Stephen watched his face for some moments in silence. A cold sadness was there. He had spoken of himself, of his own loneliness which he feared.
-- Of whom are you speaking? Stephen asked at length. ly did not answer.
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