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Thomas offered the Dead Father a dot bound in blue paper.What is it?
Read it, Thomas said.
It was a will.
It is a will, the Dead Father said, whose?
We thought it best that you take the precaution, Thomas said. Many people are iely prepared.
I dont want to make a will, said the Dead Father.
No one wants to make a will, said Thomas. Still it is a prudent step that we thought you ought to take, in your wisdom.
My wisdom, said the Dead Father. Infinite. Unmatched. Still, I dont want to make a will.
Prudend wisdom being two of your stro suits, Thomas said.
Dash my wig! said the Dead Father, Ill not do it. Im too young.
Thomas looked up into the sky.
Of course its entirely up to you, he said. If you wish to leave your affairs in rotten mishmashy cluttersome disarray. . .
Im too young! the Dead Father said.
Of course you are, said Thomas, so are we all. Yet there is a vein in you that may pop at any time. I have identified it. Runs up the right leg and who knows, who knows where it wanders after it leaves the leg. Lurking potential embolisms me. I dont want thten you, but you get the picture.
By the Holy Goat, the Dead Father said, I will not.
Thomas waved his hands in the air suggesting exhausted patiend disied pursuit of what-is-right.
Who shall I leave it to? the Dead Father asked. Who is worthy?
I should say, no one. Perhaps the nation. The first step is the iory. you give me some idea of what the estate sists of?
Vast, said the Dead Father. I have no idea. sult my steward.
Your steward has bee go, said Thomas.
Luke? Luke gone? On whose authority?
It was thought best, Thomas said.
Then who is looking after things?
I believe his name is Wilfred, Thomas said.
But Wilfred is not Luke, the Dead Father said.
Best we could manage, said Thomas. You have no idea at all as to the size of your holdings?
Oh I have some idea, said the Dead Father. He produced a small black pocket notebook.
Youre taking this down?
Thomas nodded.
The Dead Father cleared his throat.
Various lands in Saxony, he read aloud.
Thats rather vague, Thomas said.
Um, said the Dead Father uurbed, so it is. Let me tinue. Certificates of deposit totaling --
Totaling what? asked Thomas.
They are all separate and distinct figures with no total listed, said the Dead Father. The sum would appear to be quite large, could one add it.
He turned a page.
A nut-brown maid, he read. Regina. The stereo. A pair of chatterpies. My ravens. A parcel of rental properties. Eleven rogue elephants. One albino. My cellar. Twelve thousand bottles more or less. Lithographs to be swallowed for siess. Two hundred examples. My print colle, housand items. My sword.
Your sword is gohomas noted.
My sword is gone, said the Dead Father, but I have a spare sword, ba the city. My sed-best sword. Jeweled hilt and all that.
A field of flowers outside Darmstadt. Wrinkleflowers. My greenhouses and potting sheds. Wilfred will know. Portrait busts of myself by Houdon, Minque, Planck, and Bowdoin. My napkin rings. Four thousand volumes of cabalistic literature. Cycladic figures to the number of one hundred eighteen. My gouges: The straight gouge, short bent gouge, lo gouge, V gouge, U gouge, 5/32" gouge, 3/8" gouge. Four skew chisels. My box at the opera. My Been records. My Tho rog chair. The regiment.
To whom will you leave the regiment?
Do you want it?
What would I do with the regiment? Thomas asked.
Parade it. Have regimental dinners. Fold and unfold the colors. Defend frontiers. Push into the Punjab.
Let us table the question, for the time being, said Thomas. Is there more?
Much, much, more, said the Dead Father, but let us lump it together under "ials." Do you want Regina?
Never havihe lady, Thomas said, I would say not. Also I am a witness and a witness ot be a beneficiary. I do not wish to profit from this transa in any way. I o.９9ｌｉｂ.nly wish to have everything tidy.
Tidy, said the Dead Father, what a way of putting it.
Julie will be a witness and Emma will be a witness and one of the men is, I have learned, a notary.
I shall place the regiment in trust for itself, said the Dead Father. That should take care of it. Have you the form?
Yes, Thomas said. Shall I read it?
Read it.
"This Trust is created upon the express uanding that the issuer, custodian, or transfer agent of any shares held hereunder shall be under no liability whatsoever to see to its proper administration. . ."
Thats the way it begins?
No, it begins with a "Whereas." Im reading you the part that doesnt sound right.
Read on.
". . . and that uporansfer of the right, title, i in and to such shares by any trustee hereunder, said issuer, custodian, or transfer agent shall clusively treat the transferee as the sole owner of such shares. In the event that any shares, cash or other property -- "
The regiment, for example, said the Dead Father.
"... s<big></big>hall be distributable at any time uhe terms of said shares, the said issuer, custodian, or transfer agent is fully authorized to pay, deliver, and distribute the same to whosoever shall thehe trustee hereunder, and shall be under no liability to see to the proper application thereof."
He paused.
Good deal of handwashing there, said the Dead Father. aragraph is that?
Paragraph 4, said Thomas, perhaps you will like Paragraph 5 better. "I hereby reserve unto myself the power and right --"
Yes, said the Dead Father, I like that better.
"During my lifetime --"
No, said the Dead Father, I dont like it better.
Lifetimes aimes, said Thomas, are what wills are about.
Yes, said the Dead Father, thats what I dont like, being reminded.
You need not bother with the details, Thomas said, you are fully protected, I assure you. The thing to do is sign it.
Im too young. And who will beneficiate?
I care not a whit, said Thomas, pieone. Or something.
Edmund, said the Dead Father.
Edmund?
He is the last, said the Dead Father, and the last shall be first.
Edmund?
I have made up my mind, said the Dead Father.
As you wish, said Thomas, we shall have to tell him about it very slowly, otherwise it will kill him.
Parcel the news out bit by bit, said the Dead Father. Begin with the napkin rings.
Thomas assembling the witnesses for the ceremony.
The notary said: Do you identify this dot as your Last Will aament, do you wish it to be sarded, and have you sig of your own free will?
Yes, said the Dead Father. Sort of.
What was that? asked the notary.
More or less yes, said the Dead Father.
Well was it yes or was it not yes?
It was yes, I guess.
The notary looked at Thomas.
I heard "yes," said Thomas.
The notary said: And have you requested that these persons witness ynature and make an affidavit c<cite>藏书网</cite>erning your execution of this Will?
I have, said the Dead Father.
The witnesses will please raise their right hands. Do each of you individually declare under oath that the Dead Father has identified this dot as his Last Will aament and stated that he wished it to be s<bdi></bdi>arded?
He has, said T..homas, Julie, and Emma.
Has he sig in your presend did he at that time appear to be of sound mind and legal age and free of undue influence?
Was he ever of sound mind? Julie wondered aloud. As you and I would defi? Strictly speaking?
A mind of his own, Thomas said, that much is clear.
I always liked him, said Emma.
Will the witnesses respond to the question?
Yes, said the witnesses, he has and did.
Have you in his presend in the presence of each other, affixed ynatures?
We have.
The thing is done, said the notary, where is the brandy?
Thomas poured brandy for all hands.
This should make you feel good, the notary said to the Dead Father. A prudent step. Prudent, prudent.
Rage of the Dead Father.
Prudent is shit!
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