The Question Party
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"Yes, Maria, we will give the party ohursday night and I have an agreeable surprise in plation for all our old friends who may be here." The pleasant air about Mrs. Teach as she ehe parlor where her daughter was seated betokehe presence of something on her mind that gave her great satisfa. The daughter had been importuning her mother for a party which after due deliberation she had decided to give and to make the evening more eaining she had determio introduce a new feature which she thought would create some excitement in the circle of her acquaintances and afford them the means of much amusement. She had just hit upon the plan before entering the room and the smile of satisfa upon her face was noticed by her daughter."Shall we, Mother? I am so glad!" she answered. "But what is it you are preparing for our friends? Are you going to sing?"
"No, Miss, I am going to do no such foolish thing! And, for your quizzing, you shall not know what it is until the evening <bdo></bdo>of the party!"
"Now, Mother, that is too bad. You are too hardhearted. You know the extent of womans curiosity a you will not gratify me. Are you going to introduce a new polka?"
"There is no use in your questioning; I shall not tell you anything about it, so you may as well save your breath."
"Do you intend showing your album quilt?" perseveringly inquired Maria.
"Now do not provoke me to cel my promise by your pertinacity. I tell you as a punishment for quizzing your mother you shall not know until Thursday what it is."
"M or evening, Mother?"
"Evening, Miss. So no more questions but get about writing your invitations."
Maria proceeded to the bookcase and taking from it her notepaper and envelopes enced writing.
Eight oclo the evening of the party. The first who were ushered into the parlor were Mrs. Jawart awo daughters, who were always the first at the reunions. The younger Miss Jawart was somewhere out of her teens, and the elder, although her face rofusely bedecked with curls -- the inal owner of which, being dead, had no further use for them -- could not ceal that she was much older than she wished to be sidered. Mr. and Mrs. White came , the lady someompous in her manner, and the gentleman quite so. An i in a al boat had placed him, in his own view, among shipping merts, and some of his acquaintances broadly hihat if he were cut up in small pieces aailed out for starch, he would be fulfilling his destiny. The two Misses Jennings and brother came . These young ladies, the oeen and the other twenty, seemed somewhat disappointed, when they ehe room, at the absence of some of their young beaux, whom they expected to find there; this feeling was dispelled in a few moments, when a matched pair of the latter presehemselves.
Mr. Lynch, a bachelor of fifty, was the o claim the attention of the pany. He was a short, thickset man, with a small pair of whiskers that curled up on his cheekbones as if etp://.. to cultivate an acquaintah his eyes. A few gray hairs in them, overlooked by the owner -- his attention to them was exemplary -- had been, in his toilet for the evening, elbowed, as it were, by the others to the fore, possibly to attract the attention of a few of the same color which peeped from behind the false hair of Miss Jawart. A standing collar formed a semi-wall around his neck, and shoes of the brightest polish graced his feet. At about half past hen, all the guests had assembled, filling fortably both parlors and rendering the place vocal with their animated versation.
The pany had been engaged some time in singing when there was a call for a polka. In a few moments partners were selected and everyone was hopscotg through the figures at a lively rate, reminding orongly of a group in a state of advanced intoxication. The mind of Maria suddenly became abstracted to su extent by thoughts of the surprise that her mother had promised that she fot her time and the dancers were pelled to stop and reprove her jokingly for her remissness. Just at that moment Mrs. Teachs voice could be heard, above the general din of laughter and music, calling for everyone, without exception, to e into the front parlor as she had something to show them which she thought would amuse. In her haste to get into the room Maria almost knocked one of t?９９ｌiｂ. Misses Jennings over.
The pany after much fusion beied, Mrs. Teach took from the ter table a handsome marble card basket taining a pack of plain, gilt-edged cards and explaihat she had prepared an i aertaining amusement for them which she hoped would prove iing.
"Maria," she tinued, "will you pass around this basket, my dear, a eae of the pa from it one of the cards?"
Maria did as her mother requested.
"I shall propose a question," said Mrs. Teach, "to >９９lib.</samp>hich eaust write an answer on the card they have. Which cards shall be placed in this vase on the pedestal behind me. After they are all deposited I will draw them out singly and will read them aloud. There is to be no mark upon the response by which its author may be known."
There was a general mustering of pencils at this annou and an evident curiosity was immediately raised in regard to the subject which would be propounded.
"As there is a majority of ladies here, I shall propose for the first question: What is a bachelor?"
For the space of a quarter of an hour the pencils of the pany made desperate attacks upon the faces of the cards which left them covered over with black lihe last answer written and deposited in the vase, Mrs. Teach, with a smile, ehe task of reading them aloud.
"A target for fair hands to shoot at," she read.
A general laugh greeted this response.
"I beg of you, ladies," said Mr. Lynch, "not to shoot too close to me, but I know that my prayer is to no avail since your arrows are already in that vase."
The sed card was drawn forth.
"Any icy peak, on the mountain of humanity, that the sun of womans love has never melted," read Mrs. Teach.
"Then I will nip you with my frost," said Mr. Lynch, putting his arms playfully around one of the Misses Jennings.
"How do you know it was my answer?" she cried, releasing herself from him.
"I read it in your face this moment," he replied.
"Then we must turn our faces from you, or we shall all betray ourselves, if you are su excellent face reader," said the elder Miss Jawart.
"I beg you, do not!" exclaimed Mr. Lynch. "For that would deprive me of much pleasure."
"An old maids forlorn hope," said Mrs. Teach, reading the respohe aptness of which was felt by all -- yet a sense of propriety restrained any aowledgment of this. Another card was instantly drawn to divert attention from it, and to relieve Miss Jawart from her unpleasant dilemma.
"A fox longing for the grapes he pronounces sour."
"Now I really do object!" said Mr. Lynch. "I could never find it in my heart to pronouny lady sour."
"Heart, ihis is the first time I ever knew you to aowledge the possession of su article," Mrs. Teach quickly replied.
"There you do me wrong, for, see! I have one now which you gave me," said Mr. Lynch, taking from his pocket a handsomely worked velvet heart. "And observe, there are as many pins in it as you are endeav to plant thorns in its partner here," he went on, plag his hand over that part of his coat which covered the real article.
The laugh was turned on Mrs. Tead she drew forth another card.
"A creature whose miseries might be pitied had he not the remedy within his reach."
"It must be you, Miss Bookly," said Mr. Lynch, "as you are sitting closest to me."
"I did not write it," said Miss Bookly. "And besides, Miss Jennings was sitting closest to you before she moved away after you put your arms around her.
"That is true," he said with a mock sigh.
Another card termihe versation on that subject.
"Just like Mr. Lynch."
The merriment of the pany knew no bounds at this answer. Mr. Lynch joihe rest with great zeal, and in a few moments exclaimed, "Well! I really do think you are makiarget to shoot at tonight. It is well for you that I am good-natured, else I might retaliate with some formulations of my own."
This is really a dumb game, thought Maria.
Mrs. Teach dipped into the vase for the card.
"One who boasts of liberty but sighs for the slavery he ns."
"That would be acute," Mr. Lynch said thoughtfully, "had I ever boasted. But I recall no such occasion. There is, in fact, a kind of shame and horror attached to the bachelor state -- an odium bined with a tedium. Sleeping with strumpets is not the liveliest business in the world, I assure you."
"What are they like, really?" asked Miss Bookly.
"Some are choice, some are not," said Mr. Lynch.
"For heavens sakes, man, be silent!" exclaimed Mr. White.
"A bit of fresh, as the expression runs," said Mr. Lynch, " --"
Mr. White drew forth his pistol and shot Mr. Lynch dead with it.
"Good Lord! He is dead!" cried Mrs. Teach.
Dr. Balfour k over the body. "Yes, he is dead," he said. All assisted the Doctor in plag the carcass on the sofa.
"There is but one more card in the vase," said Mrs. Teach, peering into the article iion. "Dare we look at it?"
"Yes, yes," was the answer, in a subdued murmur. "I sincerely hope that it may be a favorable one," said Mrs. Teach, "for I fear we have dealt harshly with our late friend tonight."
The last card was drawn from the vase. Mrs. Teach exami closely on both sides and then proclaimed, "Blank!"
"A prophecy," said the younger Miss Jennings. "Who could have foreseen what was to happen?"
"It was not a matter of foreknowledge," said Maria. "The card is mine. I couldnt think of anything to write."
"Well," said Mrs. Teach, "I am irely satisfied with my little experiment this evening, and so shall leave it to ao choose the eai for our ."
"Not at all," said Mr. White. "The evening, despite its sad but necessary sequences, has been most delightful. I t recall when more iing things have been said or done, in all the years of my residen this city. And as I shall have the pleasure of giving the party, I shall most certainly adopt your little experiment, as you call it."
"What will the question be?" asked Miss Jawart.
"Something dangerous," said Mr. White, with a twinkle.
"Parties are always dangerous," said Miss Jawart.
"I am inviting Geronimo, chief of the Apache Indians, who happens to be in town," said Mr. White.
"That will make it all the more dangerous," said Mrs. Teach, "as I am told that he is extremely cruel to his enemies."
"He is extremely cruel to everyone," said Mr. White.
Yes, it was an agreeable party after all, Maria thought. My mother is not dumb. My mother is surprisingly intelligent. It was wrong of me to think ill of her. Now no one will ever know that Mr. Lynch was the man who -- How strange is justice! How artful woman!
Authors his piece is an objet trouvé. It was inally published in Godeys Ladys Book in 1850, uhe byline of a Hickory Broom. I have cut it and added some three dozen lines.
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