The Jokers Greatest Triumph
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Fredrit over to his friend Bruce Waynes house about every Tuesday night. Bruce would be typically sitting in his study drinking a glass of something. Fredric would e in and sit down and look around the study in which there were many trophies of past exploits."Well Fredric what have you been doing? Anything?"
"No Bruce things have been just sort of rog along."
"Well this is Tuesday night and usually theres some a on Tuesday night."
"I know Bruce or otherwise I wouldnt pick Tuesday night to e over."
"You wao turn on the radio Fredric? Usually theres something iing on the radio or maybe youd like a little musiy hi-fi?"
Bruce Waynes radio ecial short-wave model with mara features. When Bruce tur on there was a squealing noise and then they were listening to Tokyo or somewhere. Above the radio on the wall hung a trophy from an exploit: a long Afri spear with a spearhead made of tin.
"Tell me Bruce what is it youre drinking there?" Fredric asked.
"Im sorry Fredric its tomato juice. I get you a glass?"
"Does it have anything in it or is it just plain tomato juice?"
"Its tomato juice with a little vodka."
"Yes I wouldnt mind a glass," Fredric said. "Not too heavy on the vodka please."
While Bruce went out to the kit to make the drink Fredric got up a over to examihe Afri spear more closely. It was he saw tipped with a rusty darkish substance, probably some rare exotic poisohought.
"What is this stuff on the end of this Afri spear?" he asked when Bruce came bato the room.
"I must have left the other bottle of vodka imobile," Bruce said. "Oh thats curare, deadliest of the South Ameri poisons," he affirmed. "It attacks the motor nerves. Be careful there and dont scratch yourself."
"Thats okay Ill just drink this tomato juice straight," Fredric said settling himself in his chair and looking out of the window. "Oh-oh theres the bat symbol spotlighted against the sky. This must mean a call from issiordon at headquarters."
Bruce looked out of the window. A long beam of yellowish light culminating in a perfect bat symbol lahe evening sky.
"I told you Tuesday night was usually a good night," Bruce Wayne said. He put his vodka-and-tomato-juice down on the p<s>..</s>iano. "Hold on a minute while I ge will you?"
"Sure, take your time," Fredric said. "By the way is Robin still at Andover?"
"Yes," Bruce said. "Hell be home for Thanksgiving, I think. Hes having a little trouble with his French."
"Well I dido interrupt you," Fredric said. "Go ahead and ge. Ill just look at this magazine."
After Bruce had ged they both went out to the garage where the Batmobile and the Batplane waited.
Batman was humming a tune which Fredric reized as being the "Warsaw certo." "Whie shall we take?" he said. "Its always hard to decide on a vague and ierminate kind of assig like this."
"Lets flip," Fredric suggested.
"Do you have a quarter?" Batman asked.
"No but I have a dime. That should be okay," Fredric said. They flipped, heads for the Batmobile, tails for the Batplahe came up heads.
"Well," Batman said as they climbed into the fortable Batmobile, "at least you have some vodka now. Its uhe seat."
"I hate to drink it straight," Fredric said.
"Press that button there on the dashboard," Batman said. Fredric pressed the button and a panel on the dashboard slid back to reveal a little bar, with ice, glasses, water, soda, quinine, lemons, limes etc.
"Thanks," Fredric said. " I mix you one?"
"Not while Im w," Batman said. "Is there enough quier? I fot to get some when I went to the liquor store last night."
"Plenty," Fredric said. He enjoyed his vodka tonic as Batman wheeled the great Batmobile expertly through the dark streets of Gotham City.
In issiordons office at Police Headquarters the issioner said: "Glad you finally got here Batman. Who is this with you?"
"This is my friend Fredric Brown," Batman said. "Fredriissiordon." The two men shook hands and Batman said: "Now issioner, what is this all about?"
"This!" issiordon said. He placed a small ship model on the desk before him. "The package came by messenger, addressed to you, Batman! Im afraid your old enemy, The Joker, is on the loose again!"
Batman hummed a peculiar melody which Fredric reized as the "ish Rhapsody" which is oher side of the "Warsaw certo." "Hmmmmm!" Batman said. "This sounds to me like another one of The Jokers challeo a duel of wits!"
"Flying Dut!" Fredric exclaimed, reading the name painted on the bow of the model ship. "The name of a famous old ghost vessel? What it mean!"
"A cleverly disguised clue!" Batman said. "The Flying Dut meant here is probably the Dutch jewel mert Hendrik van Voort who is flying to Gotham City tonight with a delivery of precious gems!"
"Good thinking Batman!" issiordon said. "I probably never would have figured it out in a thousand years!"
"Well well have to hurry to get out to the airport!" Batman said. "Whats the best way to get there from here issioner?"
"Well if I were you Id go out 34th Street until you hit the War Memorial, then take a right on Memorial Drive until it ects with Gotham Parkway! After youre on the Parkway its clear sailing!" he indicated.
"Wait a minute!" Batman said. "Wouldnt it be quicker to get on the Dugan Expressway where it es in there at 11th Street and then take the North Loop out to the Richardson Freeway? Dont you think that would save time?"
"Well I e to work that way!" the issioner said. "But theyre putting in awo lanes on the North Loop, so that you have to detour down Strand, then cut over to 99th to get ba the Expressway! Takes you about two miles out of your way!" he said.
"Okay!" Batman said, "well go out 34th! Thanks issioner and dont worry about anything! e on Fredric!"
"Oh by the way," issiordon said. "Hows Robin doing at Exeter?"
"Its er its Andover," Batman said. "Hes doing very well. Having a little trouble with his French."
"I had a little trouble with it myself," the issioner said jovially. "Où est man livre?"
"Où est ton livre?" Batman said.
"Où est son livre?" the issioner said pointing at Fredric.
"Tout cela sest passé en dix-neuf t vingt-quatre," Fredric said.
"Well wed better creep issioner," Batman said. "The Joker as you know is a pretty slippery er. e on Fredric."
"Glad to ha99liｂ? you issioner," Fredric said.
"Me too," the issioner said, shaking Fredrics hand. "This is a fine-appearing young man Batman. Where did you find him?"
"Hes just a friend," Batman said smiling under his mask.
"We get together usually on Tuesday nights and have a few."
"What do you do Fredric? I mean how do you make your living?"
"I sell Grit, a neer which has most of its circulation trated in rural areas," Fredric said. "However I sell it right here in Gotham City. Many of todays leaders sold Grit during their boyhoods."
"Okay," said issiordon, ushering them out of his office. "Good luck. Téléphonez-moi un de ces jours."
&quhto," Batman said, and they hurried dowreet to the Batmobile, which arked in a truck zone.
" we stop for a minute on the way?" Fredric asked. "Im out of cigarettes."
"There are some Viceroys in the glove partment," Batman said pushing a button. A panel on the dashboard slid back to reveal a fresh carton of Viceroys.
"I usually prefer Kents," Fredric said, "but Viceroys are tasty too."
"Theyre all about the same I find," Batman said. "Most of the alleged differences in cigarettes are just advertising as far as Im ed."
"I wouldnt be surprised if you were right about that," Fredric said. The Batmobile sped down the dark streets of Gotham City totham Airport.
"Turn on the radio," Batman suggested. "Maybe we catch the news or something."
Fredric turned on the radio but there was nothing unusual on it.
At Gotham Airport the jewel mert Hendrik van Voort was just dismounting from his KLM jet whemobile wheeled onto the landing strip, waved through the gates by respectful airport poli gray uniforms.
"Well everything seems to be okay," Batman said. "Theres the armored car waiting to take Mr. van Voort to his destination."
"Thats a new kind of armored car isnt it?" Fredric asked.
Without a word Batman leaped through the open door of the armored car and grappled with the shadowy figure inside.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
"Thats The Jokers laugh!" Fredric reflected. "The man ihe armored car must be the grinning of crime himself!"
"Batman! I thought that clue I sent you would leave you pletely at sea!"
"No, Joker! Im afraid this leaves your plans up in the air!"
"But not for long Batman! Im going t you down to earth!"
With a swift movement, The Joker crashed the armored car into the side of the Terminal Building!
CRASH!
"Great Scott!" Fredric said to himself. "Batman is stunned! Hes helpless!"
"You foiled my plans Batman," The Joker said, "but before the police get here, Im going to lift that mask of yours and find out who you really are! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Fredric watched, horror-stri. "Great Scott! The Joker has unmasked Batman! Now he knows that Batman is really Bruce Wayne!"
At this moment Robin, who was supposed to be at Andover, many miles away, lahe Batplane on the airstrip and came rag toward the wrecked armored car! But The Joker, alerted, grasped a cable lowered by a h helicopter and was quickly lifted skyward! Robi<samp></samp>n paused at the armored car and put the mask ba Batmans face!
"Hello Robin!" Fred<big></big>ric called. "I thought you were at Andover!"
"I was but I got a sudden feeling Barman needed me so I flew here iplane," Robin said. "Howve you been?"
"Fine," Fredric said. "But we left the Batplane in the garage, back at the Bat-Cave. I dont uand."
"We have two of everything," Robin explained. "Although its not generally known."
With Fredrics aid Robin carried the stunned Batman to the waiting Batmobile. "You drive the Batmobile back to the Bat-Cave and Ill follow iplane," Robin said. "All right?"
"Check," Fredric said. Dont you think we ought to give him a little brandy or something?"
"Thats a good idea," Robin said. "Press that button there on the dashboard. Thats the brandy button."
Fredric pressed the button and a panel slid back, revealing a bottle of B & B and the appropriate number of glasses.
"This is pretty tasty," Fredric said, tasting the B & B. "How much is it a fifth?"
"Arou dollars," Robin said. "There, that seems to be rest him to his senses."
"Great Scott," Batman said, "what happened?"
"The Joker crashed the armored car and you were stunned," Fredric explained.
"Hi Robin what are you doing here? I thought you were up at school," Batman said.
"I was," Robin said. "Are you okay now? you drive home okay?"
"I think so," Batman said. "What happeo The Joker?"
"He got away," Fredric said, "but not before lifting your mask while you lay stunned in the wreckage of the wrecked armored car."
"Yes Batman," Robin said seriously, "I think he learned your real identity."
"Great Scott!" Batman said. "If he reveals it to the whole world it will mean the end of my career as a crime-fighter! Well, its a problem."
They drove seriously back to the Bat-Cave, thinking about the problem. Later, in Bruce Wayudy, Bruce Wayne, Fredrid<q></q> Robin, who was now dressed in the servative Andover clothes of Dick Grayson, Bruce Waynes ward, mulled the whole thing over between them.
"What makes The Joker tick I wonder?" Fredric said. "I mean what are his real motivations?"
"sider him at any level of duct," Bruce said slowly, "in the home, oreet, in interpersonal relations, in jail -- always there is araordinary tradi. He is dirty and pulsively , aloof and desperately gregarious, enthusiastid sullen, generous and stingy, a snappy dresser and a scarecrow, a gentleman and a biven to extremes of happiness and despair, singularly well able to apply himself and capable of frittering away a lifetime in trivial pursuits, decorous and unseemly, land and cruel, tolera open to the most eous varieties of bigotry, a great friend and an implacable enemy, a lover and an abominator of women, sweet-spoken and foul-mouthed, a rake and a puritan, swelling with hubris and haunted by inferiority, outcast and social climber, felon and philanthropist, barbarian and patron of the arts, enamored of y and solidly servative, philosopher and fool, Republi and Democrat, large of soul and unbearably petty, distant and brimming with friendly impulses, an ie liar and astonishingly strict with petty cash, adventurous and timid, imaginative and stolid, malignly destructive and a planter of trees on Arbor Day -- I tell you frankly, the man is a mess."
"Thats extremely well said Bruce," Fredric stated. "I think youve given really a very thoughtful analysis."
"I araphrasing what Mark Schorer said about Sinclair Lewis," Bruce replied.
"Well its very brilliant just the same," Fredrioted. "I guess Id better go home now."
"We could all use a little sleep," Bruce Wayne said. "By the way Fredric how are the Grit sales ing along? Are you getting many subscriptions?"
"Yes quite a few Bruce," Fredric said. "Ive been doing particularly well in the wealthier ses of Gotham City although the strength of Grit is usually found in rural areas. By the way Dick if you want to borrow my language records to help you with your French you e by Saturday."
"Thanks Fredric Ill do that," Dick said.
"Okay Bruce," Fredric said, "Ill see you uesday night probably unless something es up."
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