PART 3

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    Mulan: Okay, okay, how bout this? Ahem, [in her manly voice] excuse me,where do I sign in? Hah, I see you have a sword. I have ooo. Theyrevery manly and tough [Mulan bites her lip as she mishandles pulling the swordout of the scabbard and it falls to the ground. Khan rolls on his balaughter. Mulan throws her shoe and hits Khan in the head with it quietingKhan]. Im w on it. Who am I fooling? Its going to take a miracle toget me into the army.

    [Mushu appears as a giant shadow being cast on a rock with flames oherside. Mushus real appearance remains out of sight]

    Mushu [in a Sout<var>?９9ｌiｂ?</var>hern Baptist Preachers voice]: Did I hear someone ask for amiracle!? Let me hear you say aye!

    Mulan [Running and hiding behind a rock]: Ahhhhhh.

    Mushu: Thats close enough.

    Mulan [from behind a rock]: Ghost.

    Mushu: Get ready Mulan your serpentine salvation is at hand. For I havebee by your aors-- [notices Cri-Kee making a hand shadow of adragon on the rod stamps him down with his foot] to guide you throughyour masquerade. [bending down to Cri-Kee] , yonna stay yonna work. [returning to Mulan] Heed my word, cause if the army finds outthat you are a girl, the penalty is death. [big flames shoot up from therocks]

    Mulan: Who are you?

    Mushu: Who am I? Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls. [Mulan smilesbig in anticipation of seeing her guardian] I am the powerful, thepleasurable, the iructible [ing out from the rocks to show his realsize] Mushu! Oh hah, hah, pretty hot, huh? [Khan stomps on Mushu. Mulanpushes Khan back]

    Mulan: Ah, my aors sent a little lizard to help me?

    Mushu: Hey, dragon, dragon, not lizard. I dont do that tohing [flipsout his too show Mulan what he means].

    Mulan: Youre uh...

    Mushu: Intimidating? Awe inspiring?

    Mulan [making a haure to denote his smallness of size]: Tiny.

    Mushu [with a look of disappoi]: Of course. Im travel size for yourvenience. If I was my real size, your cow here [patting Khan on the nose]would die ht. [Khan tries to bite Mushu] [pointing to the groundspeaking to Khan] Down Bessy. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, [leaning in and looking at Mulans chest] my eyes  seestraight through your armor. [Mulan cover her bust with her left arm andslaps Mushu with the right] Ow. [angrily] All right, thats it! Dishonor! Dishon>?９９lib?</a>or on your whole family. [aside to Cri-Kee] Make a note of this[Cri-Kee grabs a leaf and a pen and starts writing]. [Loudly with gusto]Dishonor on you. Dishonor on your cow. Dis-

    Mulan [pleadingly while c Mushus mouth]: Stop! Im sorry, Im sorry[kneeling down in front of Mushu]. Im just nervous. Ive never dohisbefore.

    Mushu: Then yonna have to trust me. And dont you slap me no more, weclear on that? [Mulan nods emphatically]. All right. Okey dokey, lets getthis show on the road. Cri-Kee, get the bags [Mushu starts walking to thecamp]. [to Khas move it heifer.

    [Cut to Mulan at the camps entrance]

    Mushu [hiding in Mulans armor poking his head out from her back]: Okay thisis it, time to show em your man walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feetapart, head up [Mushu pulls Mulans head back] ...and strut 2, 3, break itdown, 2, 3 and work it, [Mulan walks into the camp drawing the attention themen who see her. Mulan walks into a tent and sees a man pig his nose andanother man pig out dirt from between his toes with c<u>99lｉb?</u>hopsticks] Beautifulisnt it?

    Mulan [making a face of disgust and tinuing to walk]: Theyre disgusting.

    Mushu: No, theyre men. And yoing to have to act just like them, sopay attention.

    [Mulan stops and watches Yao, Ling, -Po and Tattoo Soldier]

    Tattoo Sol<s>.９９lｉb?</s>dier [showing the dragon tattoo on his chest and belly]: Look, thistattoo will protect me from harm.

    [Yao thinks for a moment, then puattoo Soldier iomach causingLing to laugh. Mulan watches in utter amazement. Yao kisses his hand]

    Ling [laughing]: I hope you  get your money back.

    Mulan: I dont think I  do this.

    Mushu: Its all attitude. Be tough like this guy here [looking at Yao].

    [Mulan looks at Yao as he hocks up a loogie and spits]

    Yao [notig Mulan watg him]: What are you looking at?

    Mushu: Punch him, its how men say hello.

    [Mulan looks at her fist, then punches Yao from behind on the shoulder. Theforce causes Yao to run into -Po]

    -Po: Oh Yao, you made a friend.

    Mushu: Good, No him on the behind, they like that.

    [Mulan slaps Yao on the behind]

    Yao: Wu hoo hooooo. [grabbing Mulan buy the collar] Im going to hit you sohard itll make your aors dizzy.

    -Po [Holding and pig up Yao]: Yao, relax and t with me. Yaaaaaaa Moouuuu Ahhhhhh Doooou Fuuuu Daaaaa. Yao: Ya Mi Ah To Fu Da.

    -Po: Feel better?

    Yao [relaxed]: Yeah. [-Po places Yao ba the ground] [to Mulanwhile walking away] Aaaaa, you aint worth my time chi boy.

    Mushu [loudly]: Chi boy!? Say that to my face ya limp noodle!

    [Yao grabs Mulan by the collar cog back his arm to punch. Mulan ducks asYao hits Ling standing behind her]

    Yao: Oh, sorry Ling. Hey!

    [Yao grabs Mulans foot as she starts to crawl away. Ling kicks Yao ot causing him to land on -Pos stomach. Ling Jumpattacks Mulan, but she ducks and he lands on Yao on top of -Po]

    Ling: Youre dead. [They fight on top of -Po. Mulan runs away. Ling notices Mulan and then points toward her] Oh, there he goes.

    [Mulan runs into a tent and stops. Yao, Ling, and Ch.9９ｌｉｂ?ien-Po (in that order) run through the tent. Yao stops short as he is about to run into asoldier in a line for food. He looks behind him with ed eyes as Ling stops in time. -Po bumps into Ling causing the entire lineof soldiers to fall forward and knock over the pot of gee and the cook behind it. The men look to the back of the line and spy Mulan whohas emerged from the tent. They angrily start walking towards her. Mulan has a look of horror on her face as if trouble is about to brew]

    Mulan: Hey guys.

    [Chi Fu watches and then walks into the tent. General Li and Li Shang are ient.]

    General Li [motioning with his poio a map of the region]: The Huns have struck here, here and here. I will take the main troops up tothe Tung Shao Pass and stop Shan-Yu before he destroys this village.

    Chi Fu: Excellent strategy, Sir. I do love surprises, Ha ha, ha, ha.

    General Li: You will stay here and train the new recruits. When Chi Fu believes youre ready, you will join us...Captain. [General Li handsa sword to Shang]

    Shang: Captain?

    Chi Fu: Oh, this is an enormous responsibility, General. Uh, perhaps a soldier with more experience--

    General Li: Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training teiques, [leaning back smugly stroking his ] an impressivemilitary lineage. I believe Li Shang will do an excellent job.

    Shaedly]: Oh, I will. I wo you down. This is, I mean, I...[somberly] yes sir.

    General Li [gets up and starts walking out of the tent]: Very good theoast as victory at the Imperial City. [to Chi Fu] Illexpect a full report in three weeks.

    Chi Fu [to Shang]: And I wont leave anything out. [exits through the tent]

    Shang [while tying his sword to his uniform]: Captain Li Shang, Hmmm, leader of as firoops. No, the greatest troops of all time. Heh, heh, heh, heh. [Shang walks out of the tent to see the recruits fighting. He stands stage left of Chi Fu and General Li. Injured Recruitsees the General and salutes him as he falls to the ground. General Li steps over Injured Recruit and mounts his horse]

    Chi Fu: Most impressive.

    General Li: Good luck Captain. [The general and his mouroops leave the camp]

    Shang [quietly, to himself]: Good luck, Father. [Shang looks at his troops and sighs]

    Chi Fu [smirking, with board and brush in hand]: Day one.

    Shang [shouting]: Soldiers!

    All Recruits [bag away revealing Mulan and pointing at her. Mulan is croug ial position on the ground]: He started it!

    [Shang approaches Mulan and looks down over her. Mulan looks up, sees Shang over top of her as up quickly dusting herself off]

    Shang [to Mulan]: I dont need anyone causing trouble in my camp!

    Mulan: Sorry, [in her man voice] Uhh, I mean, sorry you had to see that. [with her fist she taps Shang on the shoulder] You know how it iswhen you get those, uh [pounding her chest] manly urges and you just have to kill something [slapping her hand], fix things, uh, cookoutdoors.

    Shang: Whats your name?

    Mulan [stumbling]: Ahh, I, uhhh, I, uh--

    Chi Fu [stepping into Mulans face]: Your anding officer just asked you a question.

    Mulan: Uhh, Ive got a name. Huh. And its a boys oo.

    Mushu [from the baulan]: Ling, How bout Ling?

    Mulan [to Mushu motioning with her head to Ling]: His names Ling.

    Shang: I didnt ask for his name. I asked for yours.

    Mushu: Try, uh, ahh, Chu!

    Mulan: Ah Chu.

    Shang: Ah Chu?

    Mushu: Gesu. He He, I kill myself.

    Mulan [whispering over her shoulder]: Mushu.

    Shang: Mushu?

    Mulan: No.

    Shang: Then what is it!

    Mushu: Ping! Ping was my best friend growing up!

    Mulan: Its Ping.

    Shang: Ping.

    Mushu: Of course Ping DID steal my gir-[Mulan reaches bad grabs holds Mushus mouth together]

    Mulan: Yes, my name is Ping.

    Shang: Let me see your scription notice. [Takes the notice from Mulan] Fa Zhou, *the* Fa Zhou?

    Chi Fu: I didnt know Fa Zhou had a son.

    Mulan: Um, he...doesnt talk about me much. [Mulan tries to hawk up a loogie and spit but the saliva just runs from her mouth. Therecruits laugh]

    Chi Fu: I  see why, the boys an absolute lunatic.

    Shang [to the recruits]: Okay gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Ping, youll spend tonight pig up every single grain of rice. Andtomorrow, the real work begins.

    [All recruits growl at Mulan]

    Mushu [Popping out the front of Mulans armor]: You know, we have to work on your people skills.

    [Cut to Mulan sleeping ient. Mushu winds up Cri-Kees wings. Cri-Kee rings like an alarm clock]

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